I rush inside and tuck the diary necklace under my shirt next to the key and the ring, expecting Jeb's moths to be standing guard. Instead, I'm hit by hookah tobacco, scented of charcoal and plums and carried by a gentle breeze. An ultraviolet mushroom the size of a truck tire sits in the distance. The cloud of smoke settles across it like heavy fog over a village.
A circle of trees twines together to form a domed roof. A lavender sky peeks through the canopy, casting moving shadows. Tiny lights bedeck the branches.
Morpheus's lair looks just as it did when Jeb and I visited Wonderland, and when I visited during childhood dreams, learning how to be a queen.
Speckled with lime green moss and bright yellow lichen, the ground feels springy under my plastic soles. Happy memories of playing childish games with Morpheus nearly overwhelm me, entangled with all the confusing adult emotions he's awakened over the past year.
Sprites drop down from the trees, luminous and temperamental. They shake their fists at me, intolerant of my presence like most of Jeb's creations. When they start darting at me like marble-size hail, hard enough to leave welts, Nikki comes to my rescue with Chessie close behind. They round up the others and herd them toward the hookah haze. The sprites' grumbles clang like silverware being tossed in a drawer as they retreat into the cloud.
"Carousing Cap!" Morpheus shouts from inside.
Chessie and Nikki dart out and disappear through the trees in search of Morpheus's missing hat.
"You sent them after the wrong one," I protest. "We won't be doing any celebrating."
"There's a pity." Morpheus's voice floats out from the cloud, as sultry as the smoke that carries it. "You're certainly dressed for it. Your mortal has outdone himself." He puffs and a wisp of smoke drifts toward me. "I suppose, though, since we shan't be showing off your stunning ensemble, we could find a waterfall to play in. I'd like a peek at those gifts I sent you last night."
The skin under my lingerie tingles. I stiffen my chin, determined not to let him see his effect on me. "I saw the rooms."
"Ah," comes his disembodied answer without a hint of surprise. "Well, before you rain down all the usual accusations, I should clarify that I wasn't going to let you kill Red. Not until we flush her from your mortal toy's system."
I fake a laugh. "Right. You want Jeb dead as much as her. Two birds with one stone."
"If that were true, he wouldn't be here now. When we landed, the goon birds started swarming overhead. They prefer live food, so I faked killing Jebediah. I hid him to protect him, just as I've been doing ever since."
Taking a few steps closer, I stub the toe of my boot on a baseball-size rock. I pick it up, rolling its smooth surface between my lacy gloves. "You're not protecting him. You're hoarding him. He's your crown jewel. With the magic he rations out to you, everyone treats you like a king-" I stop myself short because it's a role Morpheus will play again for real, if I pledge my eternal future to him one day.
His deep chuckle curls up on a tail of smoke. "Does it ever disarm you, Alyssa…how well we see through one another? It does me." His voice softens on the admission-a depth of vulnerability he doesn't often use.
Of course it disarms me; everything about him does. I toss the rock from one hand to another. "Birds of a feather. Yada yada yada. The cliché is kind of boring."
"I rather like to think of us more as moths of a flame. And trying to predict which of us might get burned first is far from boring, luv."
A trickle of excitement drizzles through me at the underlying challenge. "You realized Jeb had been touched by magic. That's why you saved him."
Another chuckle thickens the smoke around the mushroom cap. "I saw crimson dribbling from the end of the vine and the purple light under his shirtsleeve. Somehow, the iron dome caused a magnetic reaction, merging my and Red's magic into him. Yes."
"So, that's when you came to the mountain?" I press.
"Jebediah did a sketch with some mud out in the open. His creation came alive. So we made a makeshift paintbrush and paints. With those, he hollowed out the mountain and tamed the ocean and its inhabitants by altering the existing world. It's how his landscapes work: He reshapes the water into lakes and moats…molds the terrain to mountains, hills, or valleys. Each time I venture out, he changes my surroundings to keep the wildlife confused and clear of my path. But this ability has emotional limitations. Though he has no trouble conjuring landscapes and crafting creatures, when it comes to his more personal paintings, he's plagued by an artist's block. And the less satisfied he is with the results, the deeper he falls into despair, which gives Red's magic a tighter hold on his muse."
My eyes water, either from the smoke or my fear for Jeb's sanity. His warning to Morpheus when I first saw them together in the studio makes sense now: Remember what happened when her face turned up in my paintings. "Something went wrong when he tried to paint me."
"He could never get you right. You were missing legs and arms. Gaping holes in your face. Just like the self-portrait he made."
My stomach knots. "But I thought the other paintings attacked CC."
"Sometimes the paintings attack one another. But that one was Jebediah's doing. He can't see past the broken image that his father trained him to see. So he cannot paint himself whole. It's why he finally painted it as an elfin knight, in a last-ditch attempt. Same was true of you. His confusion and anger kept getting in the way of perfection. He hid in that willow-tree room, trying to get you right…trying to make an image 'worthy of your memory.' The only way I could get him to come out, to live again, was to abduct each of your facsimiles. I led them to the water and watched them dissolve to nothing. They were so horribly disfigured it was inhumane to keep them alive, but our tortured artist didn't have the strength to destroy them. So I did it for him. I convinced him the best way to be free was to stay out of the willow room. To avoid reminders of you, and embrace his anger."
I lean against a tree and press the cool rock against the ring hanging under my shirt, to ease the pricking sensation in my chest behind it. No wonder rage and violence are ruling Jeb's heart. He's subsisting on powers siphoned from two of the most potent, brilliant, and manipulative Wonderland denizens. He's at war with himself trying to contain it. Just like I used to be. Yet his struggle is greater, because he's two parts netherling to one part human.
I close my eyes. "He must've felt so alone."
There's a grunt inside the cloud. "Truly, Alyssa. You wound me. I'm grand company."
My eyes snap open. "You lied to him. You didn't want him to know it was Red's magic that was making him hate me. How did you pull that off? He had to see those memories in the rose-petal room."
"In spite of the magic he wields, your mortal is out of his element here. He's had no one to trust but me. No one to confide in but the source of his power. So when I told him the images in the rose-petal room were my memories, of times I'd spent with the royal family, he had no reason to question my sincerity."
I tighten my fingers around the rock. "Sincerity. Like you know what that is. You let him get eaten up by her hatred just to drive a wedge between us."
Morpheus clucks his tongue from inside his clouded veil. "Had he known about Red, he would've turned her magic against me. Killed me with a flick of his wrist. It was self-preservation. The fact that it put distance between the two of you, that was simply a fringe benefit." A tendril of smoke lifts free and breaks into vaporous shapes: hearts, rings, music notes.
I growl. "Yeah. Anything that gives you an advantage." I wave away a smoky heart, breaking it in half.
A large, dark wing cuts the smoke and disappears again, enveloped in the haze. "You've driven me to it. You have that boy on such a high pedestal. It's far too slippery up there for one so unprincipled as a solitary fae. It's not as if I haven't tried to drag him down. I looked inside his soul. Hoped to find his weaknesses. Only to discover that even those could be considered strengths under the right circumstances."
"Wait. What?" I glare at the cloud, wishing he would come out and face me. "What do you mean, you looked inside his soul?"
"I rode the memory train a few months after you left Wonderland. Before you and Jebediah visited on the day of your prom. How's that for sincerity?"
Hot fury blossoms in my face. "You spied on his lost memories? You had no right!" The branches overhead start to shake, as if triggered by my outburst. The diary heats up against my shirt, becoming effulgent.
"Oh, please," Morpheus taunts. "Save your righteous indignation for someone who has not stood eye to eye with your manipulative side. You did no less, viewing your mum's memories. Your father's. Red's. By the by, using a toy diary enchanted by a child's love-magic to hold repudiated memories at a safe distance…bloody brilliant. If I weren't already head over heels for you, that stunt would've pulled the rug out from under me and left me flailing flat on my back."
I clench the diary under my clothes. "How did you know it was her forgotten memories inside?"
"The same way you know Red has poisoned your mortal toy's muse. Netherling intuition and superior reasoning. Proving once again that you and I are alike in more ways than you care to admit."
"We're nothing alike." A lie, and I know it. Even worse, he does. "My motivations are honorable. I stole Red's memories to stop her from ruining anyone else's life."
"A queenly enterprise indeed. But it all comes down to this one truth: You are a lady of action, and I am a man of same. We excel at risks and trickery, and won't hesitate to use them if it's the only way to preserve what we love. Which is why, in spite of my ethical shortcomings when compared to your cardboard-cutout prince, you will ultimately choose me."
His certainty seeps into my brain, making a mockery of my own irresolution. "It's more than that. It's choosing which side of me to embrace, and which one to turn my back on. I will fix Wonderland. And I'll be there each time the nether-realm needs me." I'm almost woozy from the burn in my heart, as if it's been scored down the middle with a hot knife. Red's fingerprint is getting deeper by the hour. "But I can't choose beyond that yet." Not without falling to my knees from the pain.
"And that, my plum, is where your selfishness comes full circle, and it's confirmed without a doubt that you are a malicious queen of the Red Court through and through."
"Enough!" Control snapping, I chuck the rock into the hookah smoke. It sails straight through without stopping and clunks to the ground on the other side of the mushroom. Morpheus's mocking laughter spurs me to toss another one, but two holes in the cloud offer little satisfaction. I want to launch every rock in my path as a missile until Morpheus is a piece of Swiss cheese.
My magic has proven useless against Jeb's creations, but Red's memories can affect them. Maybe I can coax out the power on the diary's pages, pit it against my magic. Like the Gravitron ride, use two forces against one another to elicit a volatile reaction.
The harder I concentrate, the hotter the book gets against my skin. The red glow gushes through my sternum and into my veins. I breathe it in until it boils my blood and bubbles over, then redirect the force to lift the rocks from the ground. Overhead, the branches on the trees snap down and hit my makeshift ammunition with a satisfying thwack, sending it shuttling through the haze to leave ragged holes. The cloud begins to dissipate.
"At last," Morpheus says in an overly exhausted tone. "Must it always take my goading for you to realize you have no limitations other than what you place on yourself?"
I can't see him yet, but the sprites are there, bouncing in midair and snickering. They stick out their tongues, then flitter away between branches, wandering off in the direction Chessie and Nikki took.
The remainder of smoke dissolves like cotton shredding into the sky, fully exposing the mushroom. Balanced flat across the top is a large moth, dark wings flapping low and wide. Its proboscis sips from the hookah pipe and releases another chain of stars and hearts.
"Wait," I say, anger melting away to confusion. "You can't be in moth form. You can't use your magic. It's all illusions."
"That it is, My Queen." His voice tickles the cusp of my right ear, even though I'm still staring at him on the mushroom. "Just like you, using Red's repudiated memories to give the illusion of power against our pseudo elf's paintings. Well done, by the way."
I twist but can't find anyone around me. "This isn't real."
"It is as real as you want it to be." His whisper teases the left side now, a flourish of tantalizing heat along my neck.
I turn, but he's nowhere to be seen.
The moth flaps its wings, slow and lazy on its perch. At the same time, the feel of soft lips trails down the nape of my neck. Unwelcome pleasure blooms through me at his touch. "How are you in two places at once?"
"Optical delusion," answers his voice from behind. He draws me close with invisible hands around my waist.
Invisible hands…
"The simulacrum." I trail my fingers along his unseeable arms. "That's why the suits weren't in the duffel bag. You stole them."
"And you made it all possible by stealing them first. You wise and wicked girl."
As much as I try to fight it, the netherling in me glows at his praise. My skin sparkles like starlight, reflected in tiny prisms on the ground and trees.
Morpheus coaxes me to face him and slips the simulacrum hood off his head. His wild hair moves in the breeze, the jewels tipping his eye markings glimmer a passionate purple, and the smile that greets me is both savage and playful. The rest of him comes into view as reality bleeds through the simulacrum's mirage-silver jacket over a T-shirt, black pants, blue tie, and magnificent wings folded against his back.
I rest my palm on his chest to ensure he's not a hallucination. "You took the suits so we could sneak past the graffiti guards after Jeb left."
He steps back, peels off the enchanted fabric, and bows with a flourish.
"It was a good plan," I admit as he straightens his clothes and preens his wings. "But we don't have a means for you to fly, or to find our way back."
He smirks again. "Of course we do, silly truffle. Don't you know I always think of everything?" Hands on my shoulders, he turns me to the giant moth at rest on the mushroom. "Look through your netherling lenses."
I refocus and find it's not one single moth. It's a hundred or more, clasped together to mimic a larger one. These are the moths that escorted Morpheus here under Jeb's direction. And the mushroom isn't typical, either. Its top is hollowed out, with a small door in its side and a harness connected to the moth.
"That was going to be your ride?" I ask on a whisper.
"Our ride." Morpheus claps his hands. Giant wings beat gusts all around us as the moth tugs the mushroom free from the ground. Together they rise, like a hot air balloon and its basket-graceful and majestic. The tree branches open to let the contraption escape far, far up into the sky.
I gawk at its ascent.
"And," Morpheus says, "we have tea service planned for the trip. The spritelings have gone to fetch us some victuals."
"But…how? The mushroom can't exist outside of Jeb's setting here. Right?"
Morpheus pulls slick blue gloves onto his hands. "It can now that I've reassigned it."
"What?"
"Jebediah's creations are one-half magic, the other half artistic vision. So although I cannot change his masterpieces to another form, they are convincible, if one but imagines them a new purpose. Granted, it works better on the paintings that have no specific command from him. The mushrooms here have no assignments other than to look pretty. And his instruction for the moths to keep me busy was too open-ended. They accepted whatever scenario I imagined, so long as I was in fact keeping busy."
I shake my head. The master of word manipulation strikes again.
The moth carrier bounces atop the air currents, carrying my curiosity to new heights. "But you're a full-blood netherling. You don't know how to use your imagination."
"On the contrary. I do. Thanks to you. I followed your example in our childhood. I absorbed it without even realizing. Then, when I was stuck here deprived of my magic, I had to find something to while away those weeks and hours. Perhaps that was the silver lining to this entire debacle. The lack of magic is what leads humans to fantasize in the first place. And Alyssa, what a wonderfully powerful force an imagination can be."
His expression is awestruck, exactly the way he used to look at me during our childhood escapades. How inconceivable, that I was his teacher, too. He once told me I was, but I never grasped what he meant until now.
Ivory's words about Wonderland from weeks ago rise and bounce on the wind, much like Morpheus's flying apparatus: For so long, innocence and imagination have had no place there…Morpheus experienced those things via you…Through your child…our offspring will become true children once more; they will learn to dream again. And all will be right with our world.
Morpheus has always had dream manipulation; he's different from any other netherling in that respect. Now that he's learned to harness imagination, too, it makes him the only full-blood netherling who could father a dream-child.
The diary warms against my chest. Such a child would fall right into Red's plan. Discomfort itches my throat as it hits me: She's had so many pawns lined up on her chessboard. Her husband, her sister. Rabid White, Carroll, Alice, Mom, me. And Morpheus. Most of all, Morpheus.
"Do you want her for your own?" Queen Red's words resurface in my memory from that agonizing moment over a year ago, when Red inhabited my body and tried to make Morpheus help her break my will.
"So very much-" he had said.
"Then do my bidding. She'll be yours physically, and there the heart and soul will follow in time. You can romance your way into her good graces. You shall have forever to win her."
Red was using Morpheus even then. She was holding all the cards. He didn't know about the child at that point. Not until he saw Ivory's vision just a few months ago. Ivory specified that, and out of all the netherlings, I believe in her honesty the most.
But how can a child that Morpheus and I share give Red power?
"Alyssa?"
I must be gaping again, because he taps my chin, nudging my mouth closed.
"Where did your mind wander just now?" he asks.
I need to tell him that I've seen the vision of our son. I need his input on how this could tie into Red's revenge. But I have to analyze the wording of my vow to Ivory. There must some way around it…some way to tell Morpheus without telling him.
The tinkling sprites return and drop a silky cloth on top of my head. Morpheus drags it off and holds up what appears to be a garment bag. He scowls at the sprites. They clap and twirl in midair, as if they've discovered buried treasure.
"Naughty little spritelings," Morpheus admonishes. "That's not what I told you to fetch. I sent for a picnic basket, yes?"
They flitter around my head, pointing at me, their cheeks growing fat and red as they throw aerial temper tantrums.
"Well, I suppose this is the time to give it to her," he concedes. "But I should be the one to open it."
The sprites unite in a wave and shove the bag toward me.
"Fine." With a sigh, Morpheus hands it over.
"What is this?" I ask.
"Just be careful," he instructs.
I loosen the drawstring and thousands of thin, shimmery monarch wings billow out from the opening. It's a hoard of scorpion flies!
A scream erupts from my throat.
Morpheus takes the bag back as the sprites' laughter rings in my ears-a melody of mocking jingle bells.
"I told you to be careful," he scolds, and peels off the bag. The wings aren't attached to bugs at all; they're part of a gown, each wing meticulously hand sewn to form tiers. Jeweled centipede legs are embroidered along their razor-sharp edges to make them safe to the touch. The fringe adds a green, glitzy glimmer to the red, orange, and black display. The bodice is sleeveless and fitted, while the skirt poufs out to a knee-length hem.
The tiers shimmy in the breeze and produce a metallic jangle like a hundred tiny chains.
I can't believe my eyes. "You made this? For me?"
Morpheus rakes a hand through his hair, leaving several blue strands reaching up like the tree branches around us. "I knew you'd be coming to end Red. I rather hoped you'd wear it to face her. It is the only coat of armor worthy of your dangerous beauty."
"Armor?" I can't stop looking at his rumpled hair. "This is incredible. How many times did you risk your life to make it?"
"Oh, come, Alyssa. I know my way around a needle and thread. Sewing is hardly fatal."
I laugh, reminded of our childhoods when he would string moth corpses onto threads and fasten the morbid strands to his hats for decoration. An eccentric habit he practices to this very day. "Seriously. You could've ended up a stone statue. Or sliced to pieces. How many wings did it take?"
He shrugs. "I lost count after one thousand seven hundred and twenty-two." A sideways smirk curls his lips.
I grin. There's still something in the bag. I drag out a pair of crimson knee boots made of leathery material, along with shoulder-length gloves and leggings to match. "Are these painted?"
"Oh, they're very real. Made entirely of a bat's hide. The creatures are quite huge once full-grown. I had my griffon round one up for me." He puts everything away then cinches the garment bag closed and hands it off to the sprites.
I wind my hands in my miniskirt as the tinkling little netherlings disappear through the trees again. "You always keep me on my toes."
He surprises me by catching me around my waist. "Then I shall have to amend my strategy. My intent was to sweep you off your feet."
Before I know what he's doing, he lifts me, my boots dangling at his shins. He spins us both, wrapping us in his wings until I'm dazed and giggling.
"I wanted to lift you above me and swing you in circles until we were both dizzy and laughing," he murmurs against my neck as we tumble to the ground, trapped beneath his tented wings.
My body aches on impact-but it's a delicious ache. I can hardly breathe with the weight of his ribs covering mine, with the scent of his tobacco surrounding me, smothering and intoxicating. The curve of his smiling mouth glides along my collarbone and I gasp at the velvety sensation. I force his head up so I can look at him…break the spell.
He slips the bejeweled headband from my hair, sweeping stray strands from my face. The slickness of his gloves grazes my eye markings.
"I wanted to kiss your lips and share your breath," he says softly as he leans close.
It hits me that he's fulfilling the desires listed in the note he sent with the lingerie.
I remember the last kiss we shared-the taste of his tongue, the way it made my spirit soar but trampled Jeb's into the ground.
Jeb-who's out there with Dad, trying to pave the way so we can get to Mom. Even with Red's hatred seeping through him, he's still endangering his life to help me.
I push against Morpheus's shoulders. "I-I'm not ready-"
He lifts my hands over my head and holds them against the itchy, phosphorescent grass, pinning me in place. His grasp is gentle enough that I could break free at anytime.
"You came here to destroy Red," he says. "Which means you are ready…ready to claim your throne because you've embraced your love for Wonderland. And lest you forget, I am Wonderland. As are you." Even in the eclipse of his wings, the sparkle from my skin lights up his face. He drags me into that inky gaze framed within long lashes, sets me adrift in the madness and beauty there.
"Jebediah has given up on you, but I never will. I can offer you the security you desire. If you'll but be mine, your heart will forever be sheltered in my care. Yes, we will quarrel incessantly and fight for dominance. And yes, there will be ravishes of passion, but there will also be gentle lulls. That is who we are together. You'll never need fear that your love is not reciprocated. For although you've made me feel things I am not equipped for…I cannot stop feeling them." His chin quavers. "You opened Pandora's box within me. Set loose the imaginings and emotions of a mortal man. And there is no closing it ever again." The jewels under his eyes twitch between dark purple and blue. "As much as I abhor being anything akin to human, Alyssa, I wouldn't dare try to close it. Because that would mean losing you."
The confession is lovely and brutal-laced with honesty that I not only hear in the rasp of his voice, but feel in the quaking of his muscles as he holds my hands over my head.
"You think me egocentric and incapable of sincerity," he continues, entwining our fingers so the scars beneath my lace are pressed to his gloved palms. "'Tis true. Your mortal knight was willing to die for you with no way out, selfless to a fault. I had the vorpal sword when I let the bandersnatch take me in your place; I knew I had a means of escape. Perhaps that made Jebediah's sacrifice greater. But I have made sacrifices, too. I stayed away so many years after our childhood, after your mum went to the asylum, so you could live your life."
"Because you'd made a life-magic vow to her; you didn't have a choice…" I stop short of telling him that I know only too well how binding those vows can be.
"Yes. But I let you leave again, last year after you were crowned. And all those nights I brought you to Wonderland in your dreams, even though it pained me for you to abandon our dreamscapes and return to the mortal realm, I let you go each morning to live your reality there. It may not seem much when compared to your mortal's gallantry. But for me-self-seeking, arrogant prig that I am-that is the sincerest form of sacrifice. Letting you go. Do you not see that?"
Empathy claws through me. I struggle to find some word of gratitude or apology, but nothing seems sufficient. All I can do is nod.
As if waiting for that signal, he releases my hands, cups my face, and whispers in my ear. "My precious Alyssa, share reality with me. Give me forever. We will wreak such beautiful havoc together."
Temptation shimmers through my blood, a taste of eternal power and pandemonium. His soft lips glide across my jaw. I'm dazzled by his touch, drugged by his promises, falling deeper and deeper into him. Before he reaches my mouth, I catch his hands and roll him off until he's the one on his back, his wings no longer a hiding place but silky black pools along the ground.
I prop my top half over his so I'm in control. "I can't think," I whisper. "You're making me crazy."
"Insanity is the most pristine clarity." He winds a leg around my hips and topples me onto him. "Let the lunacy in. Let it be your guide." One corner of his mouth lifts to a boyish grin.
I push myself up on my elbows. I haven't seen him this relaxed since we were playmates: bits of grass strewn through his hair, clothes messy and wrinkled. Even his T-shirt has come untucked. He stretches languorously under me, and the silvery scar on his abdomen catches the light, that telltale mark from Sister Two when he fought her inside Butterfly Threads just weeks ago. When he almost died to help me and Jeb escape. But I didn't let him die, because I couldn't imagine a world without him.
I can't imagine a future without him, either. Not anymore.
Following a dark instinct and a darker desire, I touch the scar. His taut skin twitches and he catches a breath.
I jerk my hand away.
He snatches my arm and drags me back down so our noses touch. "It's beautiful," he says, his breath fragrant and fruited. "The mark left by your love when you saved my life. It matches the ones on your palms, from the first time you saved me. Again and again, your actions pay tribute to your true feelings. But I want to hear the words." His lips caress my jaw and stop at my ear. "Say them."
His low, purring voice electrifies my skin. The Wonderland queen thrashes to life. She shines light on the sentiment hidden inside the blackest corners of my heart, until I can no longer deny it.
I seek out his eyes, entranced by the depth of emotion there. "I care about you…" It's a shallow, inadequate reply. The deepest truth freezes on my tongue: The netherling in me loves you, passionately.
Those words are too chilling, fragile, and extraordinarily unique to release; they might vanish like snowflakes if exposed to the heat of reality too soon.
But Morpheus is done waiting. He drags me closer, pressing my lips to his and kissing me in warm, exquisite strokes.
It happened too fast. I never saw it coming.
Oh, but my netherling side did, and she casts my human armor aside.
She guides my hands, knots my fingers through his hair, teases his tongue with hers. She won't let me pull away, because she wants to be there again. In Wonderland, where his tobacco-flavored kisses always take us…
Because the things I loathe are the things she adores: His snark, his infuriating condescension. His menacing mastery of half-truths and riddles. The way he shoves me into the face of danger, forces me to look beyond my fears and reach for my full potential.
Most of all, because he encourages me to believe in the madness…in her…the darker side of myself: the queen who was born to reign over the Red kingdom and to give Wonderland a legacy of dreams and imagination.
His gloved palms seek the bend of my waist, the bow of my hips. He moves me on top of him, so close there's not enough space for a blade of grass between us. His kisses grow insistent, desperate. His flavor winds through me, fruit and smoke and earth, and other things born of shadows and storms…things I can't put a name to.
I'm carried far away where flames lap at my skin, blinding orange and yellow and white. Heat singes my nostrils.
I'm on the sun. Not an earthly sun, but Wonderland's. Morpheus is with me, wearing a ruby crown. Together, we're waltzing barefoot inside the fiery core, unaffected by the inferno swirling around us, aware only of our dance. Glowing embers gild our wings. My red gown, made of roses and netting and lace, catches a spark and burns away. His beautiful crimson suit does the same, dispersing like ash. Our spirits mirror our flesh, all secrets and desires laid bare. We're free, face-to-face, on equal ground…with nowhere left to hide but inside each other. He opens his arms and I go to him, no hint of reservation.
The image fades. I'm on top of Morpheus again, fully clothed on the grass. It must have been a vision, like the one Ivory had of a banquet and a child, a glimpse of a future bequeathed to me by my crown-magic.
The profoundness courses through me, yet I can't forget my humanness and my love for a mortal man who painted a room filled with beautiful dreams, a man who's lost his way and needs me now more than ever.
That pressure on my heart scores through my chest, stealing my breath. I push free and gulp for oxygen as I scramble to stand.
"Jeb," I mumble.
Morpheus snarls and gets to his feet, tucking in his shirt. He sweeps grass from his pant legs and straightens the tie at his neck. "That was a sorely disappointing proclamation of love. Perhaps you'd do better writing a sonnet, preferably with the omission of the letters J, E, and B."
"I'm sorry." I grind a knuckle into my sternum to ease the burning sting. "I have to do the right thing, for everyone. I just don't know what it is. All I know, is everyone needs something different. You, Jeb, my parents, Wonderland. I want to rip myself apart…be two beings altogether."
Morpheus frowns. "Don't ever say that, Alyssa. It is dangerous to wish for such things."
"Why? I can't change that I have two sides to my heart. No matter how much I wish it."
"You should ne'er even think it. The only way you will ever find peace is if your two sides learn to coexist. You would not be the girl I shared a childhood with, without them both."
His touching admission makes me consider something I haven't yet. "The girl you helped shape to be a queen." I look to the sky ceiling, drowning in my own indecision. "You always told me I was the best of both worlds. Taught me to embrace both my magic and my imagination. Now, I have two inner voices to follow. Each one is drawn to a different life in a different world. I'm hurting everyone because I'm confused. And I hate it." I turn to him. "Maybe that's what makes me want to hate you."
He studies my features, silent and stoic, and I wonder if at last he regrets everything he taught me, everything he brought me into.
I skim my fingertips over the jewels flashing through gloomy hues across his face. "But hate is the furthest thing from what I feel for you. The very furthest thing."
He captures my hand and presses my lace-covered palm to his chest, trailing his thumb across my knuckles.
I shove the tender moment aside to give my mind's wheels freedom to turn. "You said we're going to flush Queen Red out of Jeb so I can destroy her, forever. How are we supposed to do that without hurting him?"
Morpheus bends to pick up my tiara, returning it to my hair and smoothing away wispy locks. "That, luv, will require the biggest sacrifice of all." His thumb follows the strings at my neck. "And you're the one who will have to make it."
He doesn't get the chance to explain before the door to the room flings open, revealing Jeb at the threshold. Even though he's insisted that we're over, déjà vu echoes through my conscience, as if I've been caught betraying him again.
That worry fades once his appearance registers: dripping blood, wild hair, pale face, and anxious expression. The feathers on his costume have fallen out-a bird that barely survived a cyclone. Worst of all, Dad's not with him.
"Jeb, where…?"
His gaze pierces us with otherworldly light. "Both of you. Come with me. Hurry."
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