A death he saved me from, I remind myself.
I clench my jaw as he holds my hand, fingers woven through mine. I've postponed unleashing my magic and the deadly dress. I'm going along with the engagement charade for three reasons:
One: Jeb is somewhere in this castle, and I have to keep my cool long enough to locate him.
Two: I'm so relieved that Morpheus's heart isn't on the chopping block, I can't find it in my own heart to strangle him yet.
And three: Morpheus's expression promises answers and begs cooperation. There's more to this than he's letting on.
I'll finesse the truth out of him once he and I are alone, which must be what he had in mind when he requested we have a moment to ourselves before the ceremony. Red agreed, but each step I take becomes more weighted. I suspect she was compliant because we're going somewhere private to transfer her spirit.
Without the lifeline of the diary, I may as well be drowning. I tighten my fingers through Morpheus's as waves of insecurity roll over me. Holding my gaze, he lifts my hand and kisses my gloved knuckles. He's genuinely glad to see me.
That would change in a blink, were he to hear about my life-magic vow to Jeb. Even though the human side of me has always belonged to Jeb, even though somewhere in Morpheus's heart he's always known it, he's going to be furious. Both guys may have learned to coexist in this world, but if Jeb stands in the way of some master plan, things could change in a heartbeat. I won't tell Morpheus while we're in this castle. His jealous, feral side is too unpredictable when it comes to Wonderland or me.
After climbing two flights of winding stairs, we walk through a marble hallway. Hundreds of shadow boxes line the walls, boasting a selection of hearts-different sizes and shapes-that pump wildly in their compartments. With each thump, blurs of red smear the glass lids, as if the organs are knocking on the doors of their prisons. A coppery, meaty stench curdles my stomach.
I try not to compare the bugs I killed and hung on the walls at home to what Hart has done, but the parallel is striking. Collecting must be in my blood. I don't dare speculate what else might be…
The guards open a set of double doors and usher us into a chamber with black shag carpet and burgundy tiled walls. The queen accompanies us inside against her will. It's apparent by her crimson hair that Red has taken over again. After we're safely inside, the guards step out into the hall and close the door behind them.
"Welcome to Hart's playroom." Red's breathy murmur slithers into my personal space.
Her presence pricks that frangible place behind my sternum where she left her mark. I crush my fur-lined bodice against my skin in an effort not to be paralyzed by the climate of terror and oppression that surrounds her in any form. I have to be stronger than her.
I familiarize myself with the room, seeking out possible weapons. An assortment of gold velvet parlor chairs and chaise lounges lines the walls. Stolen hearts provide the decor: picture and mirror frames utilize the throbbing organs in grisly albeit creative ways; throw rugs ornament the carpet, tasseled with sprite-size thumping beads like the ones on the queen's sleeves.
The most intricate and morbid display is a giant brass chandelier at the center of the domed ceiling, tipped with the pulsating organs. Impaled with light bulbs, they glow from within, casting veined luminaries along the white ceiling. The contractions of hollow muscles and the rush of blood circulate in an eternal loop, as if projected onto a screen. With the discordant vibration of heartbeats and the strange, pulsing lights, the room feels like a conscious thing-and we are the prey, trapped inside its rib cage.
Is this what Morpheus felt like, being swallowed by the bandersnatch?
Disoriented, I catch his elbow. In response, one of his wings enfolds both of mine, snuggling me into his side in unwavering support. His scent surrounds me.
"The one thing Hart asks," Red says, her vines wrestling the queen's hands to maintain control, "is that you not touch her paints or her tarts."
A table is set with pastries along with a glass of white liquid that looks like milk. On the wall above it hangs an easel filled with blank papers held in place by a clip. A set of finger paints in small containers waits to be used. The sight of them makes me think of Jeb, and I gasp against the shortness of breath that has come to accompany the knifelike stab behind my breastbone. Dizziness blurs my vision.
As if sensing my distress, Morpheus takes a seat on a parlor chair and draws me into his lap-my wings draped to one side of his legs and my calves along the other. He folds his arms around me, completely at ease.
"You see. It's as I told you," he speaks to Red, his voice a deep rumble close to my ear. "We're utterly in love, and planning our future." He settles our joined hands in my lap, causing the dress's tiers to jingle softly. I struggle not to stiffen as I wait for the ripping inside my heart to subside. The backs of my thighs are flush against his lithe, muscular ones, a distraction and a comfort. "She wore the wedding dress I told you of. Is that not proof enough? Now, as per your side of the bargain-"
"Oh no," Red intones. "Not until we are married. That is the bargain. You've tricked me once. It won't happen again."
"We are married? What do you mean, we?" I look over my shoulder at Morpheus, who offers a pleading wince from beneath his hat's brim. It's infuriating to have the iron dome overhead. Without it, he could send me his thoughts instead of me playing this game blind.
"We, as in us three. The wicked trinity." Red smirks at her cleverness, and a stray strand of ivy pulls the red streak free from my bun. The hearts on her gown's sleeves begin thumping so wildly, they make a wet smacking sound. Her dark blue gaze falls on mine as my hair comes alive, wrapping around her vine affectionately. It's my magic causing the contact, not hers, which scares me even more.
"You and I are to reclaim the throne for our bloodline once and for all," Red continues. "And to prove to me that you are serious about your royal duties, that living as queen in Wonderland is your one priority, and to ensure there are no more mortal distractions, you will marry Morpheus, today. He told me you love one another, that you will rule the Red kingdom together. I want to see it for myself. I will not leave this place until you've forsaken your other life and the boy who's been such a distraction for you. Or, if you prefer, I can rid you of him permanently and give our predecessor the human heart she's been craving for her collection."
Fear for Jeb's safety resurrects my courage. I yank my treasonous hair away, forcing it behind my ear. "Keep making threats like that and I won't take you out of here at all, wretch. You can stay and rot."
"Your beloved betrothed wants me to repair Wonderland far too much to allow your stubbornness to stand in his way. Isn't that right?"
I glare over my shoulder at Morpheus. He glares back, unreadable.
"Looks like the only rotting will be your free spirit under my command," Red baits, as one of her vines slithers toward me on the floor.
Still riding my surge of anger, I concentrate on the carpet beneath her, imagining the pile as the tentacles of a sea anemone. The fibers stretch tall and tubular, capturing her advancing appendage.
I smile as she looks up at me, shocked. "I've been practicing. Want to try again? I have an entire sea of carpet to play with. And the way I remember it, your spirit withered under my command, just like now."
Morpheus's fingers tighten through mine-a squeeze of encouragement or of warning, I'm not sure. Either way, I ignore him and engage in a stare-down with her poisonous eyes.
"Oh, but I've taken measures to assure that won't happen again. Haven't you noticed yet?" Red lifts Hart's inanimate hand and points it at my chest, triggering the tearing pain anew.
My concentration wavers. The vine I captured escapes the shrinking filaments of carpet.
In the same moment, Red topples, flung to the floor by Hart's resurgence in their shared body. They roll around, looking like a mutated mental patient, scratching and tearing at their ever-changing hair with fingers and snarls of ivy.
I leap to my feet, ready to liberate my dress's razor edges and rip her to shreds while I have some leverage.
Morpheus tugs me back into his lap and whispers in my ear, "You would only damage the shell and turn both spirits to ash." It's amazing how he reads my mind without any magic at all. "We need Red to fix Wonderland. Bide your time, luv. Bide. Your. Time."
Always the voice of reason, even when madness drives his every action. Red holds all the cards, along with my heart. She admitted she's tainted me, confirmed my suspicion that I need her not only to fix Wonderland but to fix my insides.
There's a loud thud as the queen's spinning body busts into the table's legs and spills the milk. Red manages to get the upper hand again. She stands, entwines the queen's arms, and smooths her crimson hair with a shaky vine. "Get your betrothed in hand, or the bargain is off," she says to Morpheus. "And you know what that will mean for your precious home."
I start to offer a nasty retort, but Morpheus tightens his hold around my waist-an unspoken plea.
Red's attention shifts to me. "Today, you will welcome my spirit within your body. We will wed Morpheus, leave AnyElsewhere, and take our rightful place on the Red throne. Your betrothed has voiced a particular eagerness to begin your honeymoon." She rustles to the door in a flowing cascade of netting, satin, and tentacle-like vines. "Prepare for the ceremony. I'll return before the hour is out."
She leaves Morpheus and me behind the closed door with nothing but the pounding of a hundred hearts-those that are disembodied and rocking the room, and the two wrestling within our own chests.
I leap off his lap and face him. "Eagerness to begin our honeymoon? Really?"
"Oh, don't be so coy, my blossom," he purrs, his flawless face the embodiment of temptation beneath the chandelier's throbbing glow. "You know we can hardly keep our hands off one another."
The netherling inside me fidgets, tantalized by his teasing. "What I know is that you always kiss and tell."
Instead of the pompous grin or snide comeback I'm expecting, he shushes me with a finger to his lips and mimes: "The walls have ears."
I don't dare assume he's being figurative. Standing slowly, he keeps a wary eye on our surroundings. He takes off his hat and gloves, then places them in the chair.
I bide my time as he lifts a cloth napkin from the table and runs his fingers across the burgundy wall tiles. He's on the last quarter of the room when he scoops something into his hand and beckons me close. Five pea-size creatures scuttle over the lines of his palm. They resemble tiny human ears with crab legs and wings that seem too small to lift them.
Wrapping them in the napkin, Morpheus squashes them and shoves the wadded cloth under the door. "Ear mites. They would've recorded anything we said and reported it to the queen." He leads me to the center of the room. "Now we can talk freely."
I remind myself not to overreact…to give him a chance to explain. "So, this is a wedding dress?"
The smug smirk I expected earlier makes a belated appearance. "Perhaps not what I originally intended you to wear for our union, but it will do in a pinch. Aren't you glad you had the foresight to put it on?"
I take down the bun at the back of my nape, giving my hands something to do other than punch him. "You made it clear I should wear it," I say, weaving my red streak back into the rest of my platinum waves.
Morpheus watches my every move, momentarily distracted as I pin up my hair again, piece by piece.
"I thought the dress was meant to be a weapon." I slip the last bobby pin into place.
"Oh, with the way it fits you, it very well is," Morpheus says, his voice gruff. The spilled milk on the table has started an annoying drip-drip-drip onto the carpet. He backs me up to a chaise lounge out of the way of the mess.
I sit on the edge of the center cushion, my wings strewn behind me. "Tell me what's going on, and this had better be good."
He shakes out a cloth napkin. "Still don't trust me, aye?"
"I trust that you don't want to face my wrath."
He snorts. "I'm game for anything. Will you pelt me with falling hearts in a symbolic rain of our unrequited love? Or perhaps chain me to a wall in lace made of moonlight and have your way with me?" His jeweled markings blink through a rhapsody of colors: flirtatious, taunting, and malicious.
"Would you be serious? You have a lot of explaining to do."
His jewels coalesce to emerald green. "As do you. Let us start with why you were rolling about with Jebediah half-naked on the sands of a beach whilst I was putting myself in danger for your father's antidote."
I resist my jaw's temptation to drop. He doesn't get to guilt me. There's only one way he could know that, and it doesn't bode well for his own nocturnal activities.
"You're working with Manti…" My vocal cords grate against one another-as if made of sandpaper.
Morpheus sops up milk with the napkin to silence the dripping. "We'll get to that. But first, you need to be apprised of what took place while you were playing peek-a-boo with our pseudo elf's crowning attribute. Two of your father's relatives were captured by the queen's guards last night. When I was accompanying Nikki to the castle, I saw them being escorted through the gate. I didn't know who they were, only that they were knights and that one shared your father's eyes."
I twine my hands nervously. "Uncle Bernard."
"He's all right."
"I can't believe we dragged him into this…"
Morpheus sits on the arm of the lounge, his wings cascading down behind him. The pulsing chandelier lights shimmer along his black lacy cuff as he picks off some lint. "You have Jebediah to thank for that, actually. Before his scenic transformations confused the wind tunnels, the knights never had a reason to journey across the looking-glass world on foot. Your ex's interference has endangered the fragile inner workings of this world."
"But he did it to protect you," I defend. "You told me yourself that he changed the landscapes to confuse the wildlife."
Morpheus grips his thigh. "Why are you still so infatuated with that mortal? After how he's hurt you?"
I glare up at him. "Something that you've never done."
Glancing down at his whitening knuckles, Morpheus grinds his teeth. "I've never given up on you."
The sincere rasp to his voice softens me. "I know." I lace my fingers through his, and his muscles contract in response. "But Jeb didn't give up on me, either. He gave up on himself. And you had a hand in that."
Morpheus rolls his eyes. "We're straying off track. You're not embracing the seriousness of the situation. For centuries, Hart has been looking for a way to attack the Wonderland gate, to hijack a wind tunnel and get across the abyss of nothing. Can you imagine the chaos she could wield with access to a knight's medallion?"
It's strange, but on some level, I'm relieved at his words. "I was right…I knew Wonderland had to be in danger." The fact that I put my faith in him and he didn't let me down lifts the weight from my shoulders. I didn't endanger Jeb and Dad needlessly.
"More than Wonderland, actually," Morpheus says, interrupting my thoughts. "The Queen of Hearts agreed to keep Red's spirit alive only because Red convinced her you'd be coming here to rescue me, and Jebediah, had she not thought him dead. It's why Red captured us and dragged us into AnyElsewhere in the first place. As collateral. The two queens planned to use you to find a way back to Wonderland, where Hart would have access to the portals into the mortal realm and could harvest human life-clocks for her collection."
"Life-clocks?" I twine the words around on my tongue, tasting the syllables. When she first saw me, the queen said she wanted mine.
Morpheus gestures to the room's decor. "Her pet name for stolen hearts. Life-clocks."
Shivering, I dig my fist into my chest to ease the pain. Hart said she sensed mine was special. She must know it's damaged. Maybe she can tell me what Red has done to it.
"Alyssa. Why are you so pale?" Morpheus slides down the chaise's arm to settle next to me. He presses the back of his hand to my cheek, checking my temperature. "You're positively glacial."
His hand scorches my skin and I push it away. "I'm just worried." About more than I can say. How can my body be so cold, while a line of lit gasoline burns down the back of my sternum? I clench the edge of the cushions, determined to hold myself together. "We have to get the medallions back…and get my uncle and the other knight out of here."
Pursing his lips, Morpheus catches my wrist and peels off a glove to rest his thumb on my pulse. He frowns, but seems satisfied enough to smooth the glove into place and settle my palm in my lap. "It's already been handled. Due to my swift thinking, and no thanks to you and your faithlessness."
"Would you stop that? I wasn't faithless. You and I aren't committed to each other yet."
"Yet." His face lights up. "So you have envisioned a future with me."
I fight a wave of tenderness. How can this ageless fae creature be so wise about war and strategies and politics, yet so like a child about relationships and love? "Give me the details of your plan, because I know you have one."
His chin twitches. "It isn't exactly a plan. 'Tis more a bargain."
"That involves me without my consent." I narrow my eyes. "Strange how often that happens."
He loosens his tie and clears his throat. "First, let me assure you your relatives are fine. Manti used CC to stage an uprising in the dungeon."
"Wait…so Manti has Jeb's doppelganger?"
"Yes, the queen gave it to him as a gift. Manti was eager to accept, as elfin knights make the best soldiers. And this one, being a painting, is even more a robot than most. During the confusion in the dungeon, Manti helped your uncle and his comrade escape before the queen could cut out their hearts. Fortunately, they harbored only one medallion between them. Unfortunately, Hart had already confiscated it. She gave it to her guards and told them to hide it, so even she doesn't know which one hid it or where it is. That way, Red doesn't know, either. So Hart no longer needs anyone's help to cross the border to Wonderland. But Red controls half her body and is willing to outsmart her and get the medallion in exchange for certain…demands."
The jewels along Morpheus's eyes flash to a pale tea green, the color of satisfaction. No surprise, since the demands apparently involve a wedding. Yet I'm still in the dark as to if the ceremony is fake or real.
"Details, Morpheus."
He leans close to the table and takes the plate of diamond-shaped tarts, offering me one topped with dripping red fruit that resemble pomegranate seeds. "You should eat. You still look too anemic for my liking."
I groan at his stalling tactics. "We were told not to bother the tarts."
Morpheus takes a delicate bite and chews. "Pilfered pastries," he says between swallows, "are the least of Hart's worries at the moment." He sets the plate aside and dabs his lips with a napkin. "She has a traitor in her midst."
"Manti." I frown. "I'm confused. I thought you two were enemies."
"Enemies make the most loyal compatriots, if they share a common goal." He touches my bottom lip, leaving behind a smear of fruity glaze. He watches as I suck away the bittersweet residue, then he licks the rest of the glaze from his fingertip. At the appearance of his tongue, heat blossoms in my face.
He smirks. "Look at that. I revived the color in your cheeks."
I scowl. "Can you dial back the seduction? This isn't the time for romance."
His answering grin is irrepressible. "On the contrary, any hope for escape hinges on romance. I've been watching Manti since I fell into this hellhole. He's terribly in love with Hart. He had wooed her for centuries, unsuccessfully, until they both landed here. In this world, he has no interference from royal suitors. Not only that, she can be herself…Her cruel obsessions, her degradation, they're embraced by the barbaric denizens. She's revered for the very actions that resulted in her being shunned from our world. Manti believes it would break her spirit if she went back. And he fears he'd lose her to another king. He won't let that happen, even if it means tricking her."
I glare at him. "The parallels are striking."
Morpheus blinks at me, unfazed. "Aren't they? Since I know how the lovesick fool thinks, he was easy to manipulate."
"Which means you were behind the raid on the mountain." Just like I suspected.
"For the most part," Morpheus admits. "I told Manti how to get there, what to take, and what to leave standing. You and Jebediah managed to thwart my plan to have you hand-delivered. But I knew…" His dark eyes glitter and he caresses my cheek. "I knew you wouldn't leave me to die. So I told Chessie the queen was planning to gut out my chest."
My entire body bristles with a mix of frustration and fury. I start to stand, but Morpheus holds me down.
"For the record," he says, "I was at death's door. Red was debating whether to kill me herself or feed me to the eels beneath the drawbridge. It took some fast talking to convince her I had anything to offer in exchange for my pitiful life. And had you not come to fulfill that trade, I would be eel fodder as we speak."
I shake my head. "So, the antidote for my dad. That was insurance."
"Your human conscience wouldn't let you leave me here after saving Thomas, even if it managed to overpower your darker side's love for me."
I'm about to berate his tactics, to deny any feelings for him, when he cups the nape of my neck and presses his lips to mine, velvety soft. It's nothing but a peck, yet the flavor of the tart he sampled lingers like a warm, savory bruise-an irresistible torment to the netherling within.
He draws back and my skin glistens, radiant prisms reflected off his face and the cushions. I'm gripping his jacket lapels, yet I don't even remember reaching for him.
"No more denials," he says as he presses his left hand over one of mine. "I've seen the love in your eyes and in your actions. I felt it yesterday when I held you in my arms, and today, when you came to save me. Which is why my arrangement with Red for the medallion should not be thought of as a ploy or a bargain, but as the next logical step of our relationship."
I release his lapels. "Logical? A wedding? So we're going to fake it, right?"
"How can we fake it if Red is inside of you? No, it must be authentic. And eternal." He smiles blissfully-all boyish naiveté and worldly charm in one exquisite being.
I must have a pained expression on my face, because he trails his thumb across my eye markings.
"Alyssa, we are going to have the most glorious future. You'll see."
It can't happen, for so many reasons. One of them is my vow to Jeb. But there's another obvious reason. "It's too soon. We're only starting to know each other."
Morpheus's brow furrows. "We shared a childhood."
I knit my fingers nervously. "It was all innocent…playing…training. It takes time for a human to grow into that kind of commitment. It takes a trial by fire."
"Ah. We will have our trial by fire. 'Tis a netherling tradition for the couple to walk through a circle of flames, to burn away the tethers of their past and start life anew, pristine. Like purifying precious metal."
The image of us in the midst of Wonderland's sun revisits: waltzing barefoot as our clothes catch sparks and burn away, embracing one another with no reservations.
A tingle of anticipation races through me, but I suppress it. "No. Not literal, symbolic. Giving and taking. Learning to understand and trust one another through any situation. I've had that with Jeb, for six years. I'm only starting to have it with you."
Morpheus grunts, low in his chest. "I am not going to wait around and play second fiddle to Jebediah while your mortal side grows to understand and trust me."
"You're not second best. You and I get to have forever. Forever. Jeb has one life. It's only fair I spend it with him." I dance around the truth, as close as I'm willing to get.
"Fair? All this time, he's been with you during your waking hours. I've ever only had you in your dreams. I want you in reality. I've waited for what feels like a thousand years already. It is time for our forever to begin."
He's not thinking this through. "Do you really want to start our life together while I'm harboring Red's spirit?"
"We both knew you'd be carrying her out of this world." The statement is matter-of-fact, but compassion softens his voice. "And you will still defeat her. The only thing that's changed is she wants assurance you aren't to abandon your royal responsibilities again. She knows if we're wed, you'll ne'er leave Wonderland. It was the one way I could get her to agree to hand over the medallion. And she refuses to make the exchange until the marriage is official. Surely you can see I had no choice."
Ivory's vision clambers through my mind with the sound of a toddler's footfalls, knocking my worst fear loose: Red's found a way to get everything she ever wanted. To have me marry the only netherling who can give her access to a dream-child, and to be ringside in my body as it happens. She's planning to use our offspring for her revenge. But how?
I get to my feet and back away. "I thought that for once you had no ulterior motives. You're no longer under Deathspeak. No longer trying to prevent Red's destructive tide across the nether-realm. Your only motivation was to leave AnyElsewhere, repair Wonderland, and have me beside you there."
"That is my only motivation." His bejeweled eye markings are the sincerest shade of crystal, like human tears.
I back up more, my boots dragging on the shag carpet.
He stands cautiously, as if I were a wild animal he's trying not to spook. "Alyssa, we're shut inside a room with four walls. It's not as if you can run from me, or whatever this is you're accusing me of."
I groan. "The reason Red lured Alice into the rabbit hole was to change the very foundation on which Wonderland is built. She wanted to introduce dreams and imagination into the bloodline, so netherlings would no longer have to depend on the human realm for them."
By his shocked expression, it's obvious this is the first he's heard of her plan. "That's a far nobler quest than I ever thought her capable of."
"Not noble. There's no way she'll let the dreams be free, let them be accessible to everyone. She wants to control that power so she'll be the most feared and dreaded queen of all time. Yes. Yes, that's got to be it." I shiver from head to toe, too horrified to even consider what I'm saying next. "I won't let her use him like that."
"Him?" The question slips from Morpheus's mouth on a shaky breath.
Panic sluices through me-a rush of cold and hot. It's too late to take back what I said. I hold my breath, waiting to see if I feel different…if there's a physical drain as my powers fade away.
But nothing happens. With just a thought, I coax the papers on the easel to flip and flutter in place. It hits me that I haven't broken the vow; I didn't specify our child in my statement. Him is anonymous. Netherling vows are all about technicalities in the wording.
In fact, come to think of it, I promised Ivory never to tell anyone about the vision she shared, but I didn't say I wouldn't show anyone.
I stop beside the easel. We've already ruined the Queen of Hearts' pastries. What's a few opened paint containers?
Morpheus moves behind me to look over my wings, close enough that his clothes snag on my dress's tiers with tiny popping sounds. I can feel the tension coming off him.
I remove my gloves. After opening three colors-red, blue, and black-I plunge my finger into one, letting the cold goo cover the tip. I work in mosaics. It's not easy to portray what I've seen in my head using paint and paper. I don't have Jeb's skill, his light strokes, the ability to translate inner shapes and lines of gravity. But I do my best, sketching a rough image of me in my monarch dress, Morpheus in his suit, and a tiny boy with my eyes, his daddy's blue hair, and wings.
Before I've even drawn the finishing touch of crowns on our heads, Morpheus backs up and drops into the chair where he laid his hat and gloves, crushing them. For the first time, he doesn't seem to care.
The gems on his temples and cheeks glimmer a deep royal blue, as if he's moonstruck. "You've seen him," he whispers.
I don't answer.
"When? How?" he asks.
I tighten my lips more.
By the resigned set of his jaw, it's clear he understands I'm teetering on the slippery slope of a life-magic vow.
"Oh, Alyssa," he murmurs. "I've wanted to tell you for so long. I feared it would frighten you. He's the most special of all children. He's going to save our world. Going to teach everyone how to imagine and dream." That whimsical countenance returns to his face-a glow of euphoria. "I've a list of names for him. And there are so many games we can use to guide his skills."
"I want him to be happy, Morpheus. Above everything else. To have a childhood."
His features soften to an acute tenderness. "Of course. I'll sing him lullabies every night. You…you can teach him to view the world through the lenses of innocence. We'll love him. Dote on him. It would be impossible not to. I cannot stop seeing his beauty-the perfect blend of me and you." Morpheus catches my smeared hands and laces our fingers. The trio of paint smudges his skin so it matches mine as he holds our fingers side by side. "All the shades of us, in one brilliant rainbow."
The room grows hazy, or maybe it's the weird lighting.
Morpheus urges me into his lap and snuggles my head under his chin, securing me within his tobacco-scented embrace. It's the gentlest gesture we've ever shared. "Now you know where you belong, Alyssa. With me and our child."
Red's vicious imprint tugs behind my breastbone, gouges into my heart. I pull back to meet his dreamy gaze, cupping his face in my hands and leaving smudges of paint on his jaw.
"That's what you're not seeing," I say, my voice airy. "He won't be ours. Yes, you'll be bringing a halfling child into the nether-realm. Maybe that's all that matters. Even if it's Red who'll share that life, not me. As long as Wonderland thrives."
"No." He startles me by standing us both up. He swipes his crushed hat and gloves to the floor, sets me in the chair again, then kneels at my feet, taking my hands. "You are my only queen. We will cast her out the moment we repair Wonderland. Before a child is ever conceived. I swear this to you."
I truly believe he wants that, but he doesn't know I've lost my ace or how tired and depleted my body's feeling. "The diary's gone. My one chance to defeat her." I almost tell him it's his fault for sending Manti's goons, but what would guilting him accomplish at this point?
Morpheus shakes his head. "That solution was temporary at best. Those memories are still within you, dormant. You can awaken them, weaken her. I believe in your strength. Will you never do the same?"
I tense up. "My heart…it's not strong enough. When she was inside me. She did something to me. I'm sure of it."
He glides my knuckles along his jaw, smearing the shades of red, blue, and black I left on his skin moments ago. It's obvious he thinks I'm being hysterical. "You're frightened. But now that you know how special our son will be, now that you adore him as I do, that gives you even more reason to be brave. And even more reason to accept our union."
I jerk my hands away. He's not hearing me. "I can't marry you today."
He grinds his teeth and stands, looking down on me. "So, your petty human insecurities are once again more important than an entire world's well-being? Two worlds'? You'll allow Hart's special brand of ornamentation to be stamped upon every wall in the human realm? You'll let Wonderland's landscapes die?"
"I'm just saying we have to figure out another way to get that medallion, and another way to smuggle Red out of here."
The pulsing lights shimmer off the paint smudged on his face…coloring him with an eerie and dangerous camouflage. "You and your damnable other ways. This isn't at all about what we do or don't have between us, is it? There's something else preventing this marriage…something you're afraid to tell me."
I hesitate.
"Alyssa!" He clasps my shoulders and draws me to my feet, losing all patience.
My confession tumbles out. "I made a life-magic vow to marry Jeb first. If I marry you instead, I'll lose all my powers…forever."
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