I am silent for a moment before I answer. "Yes," I say. "I am here."
He opens his eyes and gives a slight smile.
And in an instant, I am awash in unexpected anger.
For as many times as I'd rehearsed what I'd say when I saw him again, I am stuck without words. I never pictured it this way. But here, now, in a hospital room where the only person I'll ever be able to love lies ill, maybe dying, I am furious.
I want to yell at him. I want to hit him. But I don't have the words or the strength for either, so I simply turn away from him. "I'm leaving." I walk toward the door.
"Please," he says. "Evangeline." I know he is in pain. I hear it.
I stop at the door, close my eyes, and inhale. "Where were you?" I say. I insist.
"Nowhere far," he says. "I was never far. I was always nearby. In Franktown, in Brewster, in Portland. I've been waiting."
"For what?" I demand, steely and stiff-necked. "Why didn't you come to me?"
He doesn't answer.
"I memorized those woods looking for you. I could have died on that cliff you disappeared over."
He is still silent.
"Louise told me to give up on you. I even told myself to give up on you!"
"I thought you would understand," he says, interrupting. "I was lost."
"Lost?" I say. "You weren't lost. You knew exactly how to get home."
"Home?" he says. "Where is that?"
I don't say anything.
"My brother is dead," he says. "My father is gone. My mother was never here." He sighs. "Where is my home?"
I know the answer before he even asks the question, but at first I don't say it. I am afraid to. Then I think about that day under the dock, when I didn't tell him how I really felt, that I'd follow him anywhere, forever, and if only I'd said so then, maybe we would have found a way to grow up together instead of apart.
"With me," I say.
"What?"
"Your home is with me," I say. "You belong with me."
I wait for Gabe to say that I am right, to say that he is sorry. That he will never disappear again. I want him to ask me to stay with him, forever.
But Gabe doesn't say a word.
I carry the notebook over to him and toss it on his chest. "This is yours." I turn toward the door, hoping I make it out of the room before my tears, now transforming from angry to desperately, desperately sad, take over. I fear this is the end, now, that all my searching, waiting, loving has been for nothing.
Gabriel
AS THE OUTGOING TIDE OF VIEUX MANAN receded to its lowest ebb, Evangeline inhaled Gabriel's final breath. It filled her with peace.
And Gabriel's anxious heart fell quiet at last.
eva
He dies in the end, you know," Gabe says before I can reach the door to leave his hospital room. I stop and turn to look at him. His eyes are still closed, his head resting off to the side, but his hand is now holding his notebook to his chest, pressing it against his heart.
I nod. "I know."
And then the tears come again. Tears of exhaustion, of shared pain, of separation, of togetherness. Tears that belong to Gabe and me. I don't want Gabe to die, too. Not like Ada. Not like Paul. Not like Gabriel. Not now. Not ever. I stand and stare through my tears at Gabe.
Gabe lifts his head at last and looks at me, ocean-blue eyes soft and weary. But alive. He opens the notebook. He flips to the final page. And then he rips out the page, holds it up for me to see, crumples it into a ball, and tosses it onto the floor. "It doesn't have to happen that way, Evangeline."
I don't answer.
"Come home," he says, holding up his arms. "Please, come home."
I decide, then and there, that Ada was right. My search for Gabe was never in vain, because we are now, both, finally home. Whatever the future holds for us, whatever threatening ships sail into the harbor and threaten to split us apart, our story is still being written.
It's not over.
I crawl into Gabe's bed and curl up under his blanket, pressing my ear to his chest. I listen to his steady, even heart.
"My beloved," I say.
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