这些年来，我都在享受着发明创造带给我的无尽的快乐，并为此感到满足。如果思考在人们看来也是一种劳动的话，那人们夸我是世上最勤奋的人，我觉得一点也不为过，因为我一天的时间几乎都是在思考中度过的。我也可能是个游手好闲者，当工作被定义成在特定的环境下，依照严格的规则完成某项特定任务的时候。每一项被强制要求完成的工作都是对生命能量的消耗。我从来没有过这样的体验。我的智慧越来越丰富却是得益于我不断地思考。
尽管我有十万个不愿意，但是我还是得对我在年轻时候所受到的一些影响、所处的环境以及所有过的经历作一番详细的描述，这些不仅是使我在这本传记中所描绘的人生经历足以让人信服的基础，更是确立我职业生涯的关键。
我们最初的那些充满活力、自由自在的活动都完全是出于本能。随着逐日地成长，理性越来越居于主导地位，因此我们做起事来也有条不紊。我们幼年时候对某些事物的热情，可能对我们的一生产生巨大的影响，尽管这些影响或许要在多年后才得以呈现。我一直在想，假如我对幼年时候的那些热情有充分地理解，并且坚持这种热情，那也许我对世人的贡献会更大。然而，当我真正明白自己其实是一个发明家是在我成年之后。
这个过程之所以如此曲折，是因为原因不只一个。首先一个原因是，我有一个哥哥，他才华横溢，可谓是罕见的天才，就连生物研究也很难对他的聪明与才华作出解释。不幸的是，他却英年早逝，这使得我的父母整日沉浸在悲痛之中。
有一个朋友曾将一匹非常通人性的珍贵的阿拉伯纯种马作为礼物送给我们。我们全家人都很宠爱它，因为它曾在极度危险的情况下挽救了我父亲。那是一个寒冷的冬夜，由于一场紧急的法事，父亲被人叫了去。当他经过狼群常出没的深山时，被因受到惊吓的马重重摔到地上。当马狂奔到家时，它已是满身伤痕，疲惫不堪。然而，它在向我们发出求救信号之后，又立刻朝事发地点奔去。此时，父亲虽已恢复意识，却不知自己已在雪地里躺了几个小时。当马驮着父亲正往家赶的时候，遇到了前来搜救的人们。也就是在这时，哥哥被这匹马弄伤了，并因此去世。虽然这已是多年之前的事，但我至今记忆犹新，因为那场惨剧当时就发生在我眼前。哥哥在我的记忆里是那么优秀，我所有的努力和他一比较简直是相形见绌。
其实，我在幼年时期是极度缺乏自信的，因为我所做的每件为人称道的事情，都不过是使他们对失去哥哥更加悲痛而已。但是，我绝不是笨小孩，这一事实可从一件我至今仍记得的事情上得到证实。有一天，当我和几个伙伴正在大街上玩耍时，一群受人尊敬的政府官员走了过来。这群人当中年纪最大的那位官员伫立在我们面前，他送给其他孩子每人一枚银币。当他走到我面前时，却用命令的口吻大声说道：“看着我的眼睛！”我看着他的眼睛，同时不忘将手伸到他面前，准备接住那枚银币。遗憾的是，他却这样说：“已经没有银币了，因为你的聪明，你别想从我这里得到任何东西！”
人们常以谈论我的一件趣事为乐。我有两位姑姑，她们都是满脸皱纹。其中的一位还长着两颗象牙似的龅牙，当她亲吻我时，我的脸总是被她那牙齿深深地刺痛着。最令我感到恐惧的莫过于这些充满慈爱的“丑”亲戚。一天，她们问正被母亲抱着的我，两位姑姑谁更美丽。我在对她们的脸仔细观察一番之后，指着其中一个郑重其事地说道：“这个不及那个丑。”
另一个原因是，家人自我出生起就希望我继承父亲的衣钵，做一名牧师的想法一直困扰着我。我一心想做一名工程师，而父亲却说什么都不同意，绝不让步。我爷爷是拿破仑时期的一名军官，他的一个兄弟是某所大学的数学教授，他们从小就接受了军事教育。而我的父亲却做了牧师，并获得了极高的声望，这真是令人费解。我父亲相当博学，可谓是集自然哲学家、诗人、作家于一身。据说，他布道时的口才堪与亚伯拉罕·阿·桑克塔·克拉拉媲美。他常常凭借惊人的记忆力，用几种语言背诵经典名著里的段落。他常开玩笑地说，假如某些经典名著有天绝版了，他大可以凭借记忆把它们一一默写出来。受到大家赞誉的还有父亲的写作风格。他的文字简洁明快又不失幽默和智慧，见解也十分独到。我可以简单举一两个例子来说明一下。
我们有一个眼睛斜视的仆人，他叫梅恩，在农场工作。一天，梅恩正挥动斧头劈柴的时候，站在一旁的父亲感到十分不安，于是警告梅恩：“梅恩，看在上帝的分上，千万不要砍你所看到的东西，而要砍你想砍的东西。”
还有一回，一个朋友在父亲开车外出兜风时，一不注意将自己昂贵的皮大衣蹭到了车轮上，于是父亲提醒他：“当心你的皮大衣，它会弄坏我的车轮哩！”
父亲有一个古怪的习惯，那就是自言自语，常常一个人用不同的语调和自己对话，生动而有趣，有时甚至和自己展开激烈的辩论。假如此时正好有人经过听到，准会以为房间里有几个人正在进行激烈的辩论。
不得不承认，我的创造能力得益于母亲的影响，然而，也离不开父亲对我的培养。这些培养包括了各式各样的训练，例如：试图掌握别人的想法、找出某种表达方式的不足之处、背诵长句子或者进行心算练习。这些旨在提高记忆力和推理能力，尤其是判断力的一系列训练，无疑为我今后的发明创造奠定了坚实的基础。
我母亲出生于有几位家族成员是发明家的农村旧式家庭，她的父亲和祖父曾经发明了许多可用于家庭生活、农业生产以及其他用途的工具。我母亲是一位真正伟大的女性，她虽然经历了许多的艰难困苦，但是她依旧勇敢地面对生活中的风风雨雨，这与她非凡的能力和勇敢刚毅的性格是分不开的。母亲16岁时，整个地区暴发了一场骇人的瘟疫。当外祖父被叫去给将死的病人授临终前的圣餐礼时，母亲就来到已感染瘟疫、性命垂危的邻居家帮忙。她替逝者沐浴、更衣，并按照当地风俗，用鲜花来装饰他们的尸体。当外祖父回来时，他惊讶地发现母亲已经将基督教葬礼仪式的一切都准备好了。
我母亲是位非常出色的发明家。她如果能够接触现代生活的话，她一定会获得更多的机会，我敢肯定，她绝对能发明出许多优秀的东西。她发明制造了各种工具和设备，用亲手纺织的棉线编织出精美的图案。不仅如此，她还亲自种植植物，亲手提取纤维。从早到晚，她总是忙个不停，家人的衣服和家里的家具陈设，几乎都是母亲一手料理的。她60岁之后，手指仍然很灵活，在一根眼睫毛上打三个结也不成问题。
我迟迟未觉醒的更为重要的原因与我少年时期的特殊经历有关。那时，我眼前常常出现一种奇特的景象，这深深折磨着我。它们出现时常还伴随着一种破坏我视力，以致我看不清真正的物体的强光，同时还扰乱了我的思想和行动。那些在我眼前出现的奇特景象，并非我臆想出来的，而是我以前的确看到过的。假如有人和我说起一个词，那这个词所特指的景象就会自动在我眼前浮现，并且栩栩如生，以致我有时完全无法判断眼前的事物是否是真实存在的。我为此感到极度的不安和恐惧。我也曾就这些奇特景象向生理学和心理学专家请教，但是他们没有一个人能对此做出准确的解释。这些奇特景象也许唯独我能看到，但是这种想法未免武断，据我所知，哥哥也曾遇到过类似的事情。我对这些奇特景象做出的解释是这样的：这些景象是由于高度兴奋，以致大脑对视网膜产生反射作用而形成的。它们并非由于疾病或精神痛苦而形成的幻觉，因为我其他方面都是正常的，情绪也无波动。例如，每当我看到葬礼或是其他刺激性场景时，这种痛苦便困扰着我。夜阑人静之时，那些景象便纷纷出现在我眼前，十分逼真，我想尽了一切办法也挥之不去。假如我的解释是合理的，那么将人们想象的任何事物的图像投射到屏幕上供人们观看，也是极有可能的。一旦这种可能得以实现，必将使人际关系发生根本性的变化。我深信，这种可能在将来必定成为现实。顺便说一下，我已为此花费了大量的心血。
为了将自己从这些痛苦的景象中解救出来，我逼迫自己将注意力转移到看到过的其他事物上。一般情况下，这种方法可以暂时缓解我的痛苦，但是，这种缓解状态使得我要不断想象新的景象。过了没多久，我发现自己已经穷尽了记忆中可供想象的图像，因为我当时对世界的了解仅限于家里和有限范围内的事物。当我第二次、第三次进行这种脑力活动，尽力搜寻各种记忆景象时，缓解效力却大不如前，甚至完全失去效力。为了突破我已经了解的小世界，去发现新的景象，我本能地开始远足。刚开始时，这些新景象模糊不清，根本无法辨认；但是，当我集中注意力看这些景象时，它们却又突然消失了。然而，它们逐渐变得清晰起来，最后竟将真实物体具象地呈现在我眼前。我很快便发现了使自己感到舒适的方法，那就是扩大想象的范围，使自己不断获得新的景象。于是，我开始让心灵去旅行。每天晚上（有时是白天），当我独自一人时，我便开启心灵之旅——游走在新的地区、城市和国家，并且居住在那里，和当地人成为朋友。然而，无论多么不可思议，他们的确对我很亲近，就像与现实生活中的人相处一般，而他们的行为也十分真切，和现实世界没有两样。
我依靠这种方式一直到17岁，之后便全身心地投入发明创造。后来，我惊喜地发现自己可以充分利用这一奇特的能力进行想象。我在不依靠任何模型、图纸以及实验的情况下，就能把所有细节完美地呈现在脑海中。基于此，我认为自己已经形成了一套在我看来更快捷、更高效的全新的发明理念和思路，并与单纯的试验理论形成强烈的对比。
人们总会无法避免地把注意力放在制造的装置的细节上，当他们用这种装置去为某个不够成熟的想法做试验时。但是，随着对装置的不断改进和重装，他的注意力就会渐渐分散，并将设计的基本原理忽略掉。他们虽然能因此有所收获，但是设计质量下降了。然而，我的设计方式完全不同于此。我在没有设计思路时，是不会仓促进行实际工作的，而是在脑海中将它勾勒出来，然后进行修改，使之不断完善，接着进行试验。在脑海中运行自己的涡轮机也好，在实验室进行试验也罢，在我都是想象行为。我甚至可以把涡轮机出现故障的细节都想象出。不管怎样，我的想象能使结果无异于实际情况。通过这种设计方式，我可以很快地完善并实施构想，而不需要凭借实物。我打算把脑海中的成品付诸实践，是在我的设计已经修改得合理且完美无瑕时。二十年来，我设计的装置的实际运行情况与我想象中完全一样，试验结果也与我的设计计划相符，无一例外。根本不可能有例外。工程、电气以及机械的所有结果都与我的想象相符。所有一切都是可以预先在脑海中进行试验的，不管是具有可行性的理论，还是实际数据。在我看来，人们将一个不够成熟的想法付诸实践，完全是在浪费时间和金钱以及精力。
然而，我也在早期的苦难中获得了另一种补偿。连续的思考和想象使我的观察力不断提高，以致我意识到一个极为重要的事实——我脑海中浮现的景象都是对过去某些特殊、异常的实际场景的还原，并且我每次都强迫自己对这些景象的来源加以定位。没多久，这一努力变得就像自动行为一般，并且我很自然就能将事情的因果关系连接起来。很快我意识到我的每一个构想都来自对外部事物的印象，这使我感到惊讶。不但如此，我所有的行为都是以类似的方式进行的。随着时间的推移，一个事实变得非常明显——我不过是台具有运行能力的自动装置，对感官进行刺激以做出思考，并采取相应的行动。这一事实带给我的实际结果就是使我发现了遥控力学的艺术，虽然到目前为止，这种技术只以一种不完美的方式在进行。然而，它最终将显现出自身巨大的发展潜力。多年来，我一直在设计自动控制机，并且相信我一定能制造出在某种程度上具有智能功能的机器，从而引发一场商业和工业的众多领域的巨大革命。
我第一次通过自己的努力成功地将图像从我的视线里驱散，是在我12岁时，但是我却一直无法控制之前提到过的闪光现象。也许这将是我生命中最为奇特和令人费解的体验。闪光通常出现在我身处险境或痛苦之中，抑或是极其兴奋时。在某些情况下，我看到周围的空气里满是熊熊燃烧着的火焰。随着时间的流逝，闪光的强度不但没有减弱，反而更强，我25岁时曾一度达到极点。
1883年我在巴黎时，一位法国著名的厂商邀请我去狩猎，我欣然同意了。由于我长期生活在工厂里，因而新鲜的空气使我感到格外清爽。那晚在回城的路上，我真切地感觉到脑袋着火了，像是有个小太阳在里面燃烧，以致整晚我都在冷敷自己那受尽了折磨的脑袋。最后，闪光出现的频率降低，强度也减弱了，但花了三个多星期它们才得以完全消退。当再有人邀请我去狩猎时，我斩钉截铁地回答“不去！”
每当我有新想法时，闪光的现象仍然不时出现，不过强度相对较弱，也不再令人兴奋。每当我闭上双眼，首先看到的总是幽深而匀称的蓝色背景，像极了清澈而无星子的夜空。几秒钟后，蓝色背景竟开始动起来，层层闪烁的绿色向我靠近。接着，在背景的右边出现了两种平行排列着密集线条的美丽图案。这两种图案形成以黄绿色和金色为主的直角图形。之后，线条越来越亮，直至整个背景撒满了闪烁的光点。这画面在我视野里缓缓移动，大约十秒之后，在左侧消失了，留下沉闷而令人生厌的灰色背景，直到第二个片段的出现。每次入睡之前，就会有人和事物的影像在我眼前掠过。当我看到它们时，我知道自己即将入眠。如果它们一直不肯出现，这意味着接下来将是一个不眠之夜。
我想用另一个奇特的经历来加以说明想象对我早期生活的影响达到何种程度。和大多数的孩子一样，我喜欢跳跃，并强烈渴望空气中能有一种力量将自己托起来。偶尔从山上吹来一阵富含氧气的强风，我的身体就会如软木塞般轻，然后我将跳跃，并在空中飘浮好长一段时间。这是一种令人愉快的感觉。当我意识到这只是我的主观臆想时，我感到极其失望。
在此期间，我养成了许多奇怪的好恶感和习惯，其中一些可以归咎于外界的影响，而一些则无法解释。我对女人佩戴耳环极其反感，但是其他饰品，例如手镯，则依据设计，或多或少地使我感到愉悦。珍珠使我眩晕，但我却又着迷于闪闪发光的水晶或带有锐角和平面的物体。我不会去触摸别人的头发，除非被人用枪指着脑袋；一看到桃子我准发高烧；在房间的任何地方，只要有一小片樟脑丸就足以令我坐立不安。即使现在，我依然对这些东西非常敏感，依然烦躁不安。当我把碎纸片放进盛满液体的器皿中时，我就感觉嘴里有一种怪异的、恶心的味道。我喜欢数着脚步走路，喜欢吃饭时计算汤盆和咖啡杯的容积，以及食物的份数，不然我这顿饭一定吃得味同嚼蜡。我所重复的所有动作或行为的次数，都必须能被3整除，否则即使花上几小时，我也要逼自己重做一遍。
8岁之前，我的性格很软弱，且做事常常难以抉择。我既没有勇气，也没有力量去形成坚定的决心。我的情绪在两个极端间犹如波浪般起伏。为了愿望，我所耗费的精力像九头蛇的脑袋一样成倍增加。我对生死恐惧，对神灵怀有敬畏，不能承受生命中的痛苦。我受迷信的影响，终日生活在恐惧之中，总担心会遇到食人魔或是生活在黑暗之中的邪恶怪物。后来，我突然发生了巨大的转变，这一转变使得我的整个人生都有所不同了。
所有东西之中，我最爱的要属书了。父亲有一个很大的书房，我总是试图满足自己对阅读的热情。然而，父亲不允许我阅读，一旦发现，就会勃然大怒。当他发现我偷偷阅读时，就把蜡烛藏起来，因为他担心阅读会影响我的视力。但是我用牛油做成了灯芯，并将它们黏合好放进锡制器皿中，晚上的时候我就用东西将书房的门和锁孔遮蔽起来，然后开始阅读。经常一读就是读到黎明时分，而这时，其他人都还沉浸在睡梦中，只有母亲开始了她艰苦的日常劳作。
一次，我找到了匈牙利著名作家约西卡的小说《阿奥菲》的塞尔维亚语译本，这本小说在某种程度上唤醒了我沉睡的意志力，从此我便开始练习自我控制。刚开始时，我的决心如同四月的雪般很快就殆尽了，但不久我便克服了缺点，并感到了从未有过的快乐——我能随自己的意志做事情了。
经过一段时间，这种剧烈的脑力训练成为了我的第二天性。一开始，我的愿望常常得不到实现，但是，渐渐地，愿望和意志一致起来。通过几年的训练，我完全能自如地控制自己的意志了，并开始以玩乐的心态控制自己的一些足以毁灭意志最坚强之人的爱好。在某一时期，我曾染上赌瘾，我的父母为此十分忧虑。对我而言，坐下来打牌是最快乐的事。父亲过得是一种模范样的生活，他绝不能纵容我浪费时间和金钱。那时候，我有强大的意志，可惜没有正确的人生观。“我随时都可以金盆洗手，只要我愿意，但是那种快乐只有在天堂才买得到，就这样放弃了，值得吗？”我这样对父亲说。父亲会不时地将他对我的愤怒和不满发泄出来，而母亲却并不如此。她知道男人的个性，明白一个人要想得到救赎，只有依靠他自身的努力。我记得有一天下午，我把所有的钱都输光了，并渴望再豪赌一场，这时母亲拿着一卷钞票来到我面前，对我说道：“去尽情享受吧！你越早把钱全部输完越好，我知道你会醒悟的。”她是对的。我当时就战胜了自我，而我唯一感到后悔的就是，如果我的赌瘾再强烈一百倍就好了，那样就更能体现我的自制力了。我不仅克服了赌瘾，还将它从我心底彻底扫除，不存有一丝欲望。那次之后，我对各种赌博就像对剔牙一样，都毫无兴趣。
在另一个时期，我又因吸烟过度而危害到了健康。之后我的意志力又发挥了它的作用，我不仅成功戒烟，并且将所有的不良嗜好都戒掉了。很久以前我患有心脏病，后来才发现是我每天早上喝咖啡导致的，于是我果断戒掉了这个习惯，尽管这对我而言不是件容易的事。我凭借顽强的意志力改掉了许多陋习，抑制了欲望。或许我的这种生活方式在别人看来是极其乏味和无趣的，但我却因此保住了性命，并从中获得了极大的满足。
完成格拉茨理工学院和布拉格大学的学业之后，我的精神曾处于崩溃状态，而在这期间，我观察到了很多奇怪和令人难以置信的现象。
I.My Early Life
The progressive development of man is vitally dependent on invention.It is the most important product of his creative brain.Its ultimate purpose is the complete mastery of mind over the material world，the harnessing of the forces of nature to human needs.This is the difficult task of the inventor who is often misunderstood and unrewarded.But he finds ample compensation in the pleasing exercises of his powers and in the knowledge of being one of that exceptionally privileged class without whom the race would have long ago perished in the bitter struggle against pitiless elements.
Speaking for myself，Ihave already had more than my full measure of this exquisite enjoyment，so much that for many years my life was little short of continuous rapture.Iam credited with being one of the hardest workers and perhaps Iam，if thought is the equivalent of labor，for Ihave devoted to it almost all of my waking hours.But if work is interpreted to be a definite performance in a specified time according to a rigid rule，then Imay be the worst of idlers.Every effort under compulsion demands a sacrifice of life-energy.Inever paid such a price.On the contrary，Ihave thrived on my thoughts.
In attempting to give a connected and faithful account of my activities in this series of articles，Imust dwell，however reluctantly，on the impressions of my youth and the circumstances and events which have been instrumental in determining my career.
Our first endeavors are purely instinctive，promptings of an imagination vivid and undisciplined.As we grow older reason asserts itself and we become more and more systematic and designing.But those early impulses，tho not immediately productive，are of the greatest moment and may shape our very destinies.Indeed，Ifeel now that had Iunderstood and cultivated instead of suppressing them，Iwould have added substantial value to my bequest to the world.But not until Ihad attained manhood did Irealize that Iwas an inventor.
This was due to a number of causes.In the first place Ihad a brother who was gifted to an extraordinary degree-one of those rare phenomena of mentality which biological investigation has failed to explain.His premature death left my parents disconsolate.
We owned a horse which had been presented to us by a dear friend.It was a magnificent animal of Arabian breed,possessed of almost human intelligence,and was cared for and petted by the whole family,having on one occasion saved my father"s life under remarkable circumstances.My father had been called one winter night to perform an urgent duty and while crossing the mountains,infested by wolves,the horse became frightened and ran away,throwing him violently to the ground.It arrived home bleeding and exhausted,but after the alarm was sounded immediately dashed off again,returning to the spot,and before the searching party were far on the way they were met by my father,who had recovered consciousness and remounted,not realizing that he had been lying in the snow for several hours.This horse was responsible for my brother"s injuries from which he died.Iwitnessed the tragic scene and altho fifty-six years have elapsed since,my visual impression of it has lost none of its force.The recollection of his attainments made every effort of mine seem dull in comparison.
Anything Idid that was creditable merely caused my parents to feel their loss more keenly.So Igrew up with little confidence in myself.But Iwas far from being considered a stupid boy,if Iam to judge from an incident of which Ihave still a strong remembrance.One day the Aldermen were passing thru a street where Iwas at play with other boys.The oldest of these venerable gentlemen-a wealthy citizen-paused to give a silver piece to each of us.Coming to me he suddenly stopt and commanded,"Look in my eyes."Imet his gaze,my hand outstretched to receive the much valued coin,when,to my dismay,he said,"No,not much,you can get nothing from me,you are too smart."
They used to tell a funny story about me.Ihad two old aunts with wrinkled faces,one of them having two teeth protruding like the tusks of an elephant which she buried in my cheek every time she kissed me.Nothing would scare me more than the prospect of being hugged by these as affectionate as unattractive relatives.It happened that while being carried in my mother"s arms they asked me who was the prettier of the two.After examining their faces intently,Ianswered thoughtfully,pointing to one of them,"This here is not as ugly as the other."
Then again,Iwas intended from my very birth for the clerical profession and this thought constantly oppressed me.Ilonged to be an engineer but my father was inflexible.He was the son of an officer who served in the army of the Great Napoleon and,in common with his brother,professor of mathematics in a prominent institution,had received a military education but,singularly enough,later embraced the clergy in which vocation he achieved eminence.He was a very erudite man,a veritable natural philosopher,poet and writer and his sermons were said to be as eloquent as those of Abraham a Sancta-Clara.He had a prodigious memory and frequently recited at length from works in several languages.He often remarked playfully that if some of the classics were lost he could restore them.His style of writing was much admired.He penned sentences short and terse and was full of wit and satire.The humorous remarks he made were always peculiar and characteristic.Just to illustrate,Imay mention one or two instances.
Among the help there was a cross-eyed man called Mane,employed to do work around the farm.He was chopping wood one day.As he swung the axe my father,who stood nearby and felt very uncomfortable,cautioned him,"For God"s sake,Mane,do not strike at what you are looking but at what you intend to hit."
On another occasion he was taking out for a drive a friend who carelessly permitted his costly fur coat to rub on the carriage wheel.My father reminded him of it saying,"Pull in your coat,you are ruining my tire."
He had the odd habit of talking to himself and would often carry on an animated conversation and indulge in heated argument,changing the tone of his voice.Acasual listener might have sworn that several people were in the room.
Altho Imust trace to my mother"s influence whatever inventiveness Ipossess,the training he gave me must have been helpful.It comprised all sorts of exercises-as,guessing one another"s thoughts,discovering the defects of some form or expression,repeating long sentences or performing mental calculations.These daily lessons were intended to strengthen memory and reason and especially to develop the critical sense,and were undoubtedly very beneficial.
My mother descended from one of the oldest families in the country and a line of inventors.Both her father and grandfather originated numerous implements for household,agricultural and other uses.She was a truly great woman,of rare skill,courage and fortitude,who had braved the storms of life and past thru many a trying experience.When she was sixteen a virulent pestilence swept the country.Her father was called away to administer the last sacraments to the dying and during his absence she went alone to the assistance of a neighboring family who were stricken by the dread disease.All of the members,five in number,succumbed in rapid succession.She bathed,clothed and laid out the bodies,decorating them with flowers according to the custom of the country and when her father returned he found everything ready for a Christian burial.
My mother was an inventor of the first order and would,Ibelieve,have achieved great things had she not been so remote from modern life and its multifold opportunities.She invented and constructed all kinds of tools and devices and wove the finest designs from thread which was spun by her.She even planted the seeds,raised the plants and separated the fibers herself.She worked indefatigably,from break of day till late at night,and most of the wearing apparel and furnishings of the home was the product of her hands.When she was past sixty,her fingers were still nimble enough to tie three knots in an eyelash.
There was another and still more important reason for my late awakening.In my boyhood Isuffered from a peculiar affliction due to the appearance of images,often accompanied by strong flashes of light,which marred the sight of real objects and interfered with my thought and action.They were pictures of things and scenes which Ihad really seen,never of those Iimagined.When a word was spoken to me the image of the object it designated would present itself vividly to my vision and sometimes Iwas quite unable to distinguish whether what Isaw was tangible or not.This caused me great discomfort and anxiety.None of the students of psychology or physiology whom Ihave consulted could ever explain satisfactorily these phenomena.They seem to have been unique altho Iwas probably predisposed as Iknow that my brother experienced a similar trouble.The theory Ihave formulated is that the images were the result of a reflex action from the brain on the retina under great excitation.They certainly were not hallucinations such as are produced in diseased and anguished minds,for in other respects Iwas normal and composed.To give an idea of my distress,suppose that Ihad witnessed a funeral or some such nerve-racking spectacle.Then,inevitably,in the stillness of night,a vivid picture of the scene would thrust itself before my eyes and persist despite all my efforts to banish it.Sometimes it would even remain fixt in space tho Ipushed my hand thru it.If my explanation is correct,it should be able to project on a screen the image of any object one conceives and make it visible.Such an advance would revolutionize all human relations.Iam convinced that this wonder can and will be accomplished in time to come;Imay add that Ihave devoted much thought to the solution of the problem.
To free myself of these tormenting appearances,Itried to concentrate my mind on something else Ihad seen,and in this way Iwould of ten obtain temporary relief;but in order to get it Ihad to conjure continuously new images.It was not long before Ifound that Ihad exhausted all of those at my command;my "reel"had run out,as it were,because Ihad seen little of the world-only objects in my home and the immediate surroundings.As Iperformed these mental operations for the second or third time,in order to chase the appearances from my vision,the remedy gradually lost all its force.Then Iinstinctively commenced to make excursions beyond the limits of the small world of which Ihad knowledge,and Isaw new scenes.These were at first very blurred and indistinct,and would flit away when Itried to concentrate my attention upon them,but by and by Isucceeded in fixing them;they gained in strength and distinctness and finally assumed the concreteness of real things.Isoon discovered that my best comfort was attained if Isimply went on in my vision farther and farther,getting new impressions all the time,and so Ibegan to travel-of course,in my mind.Every night (and sometimes during the day),when alone,Iwould start on my journeys-see new places,cities and countries-live there,meet people and make friendships and acquaintances and,however unbelievable,it is a fact that they were just as dear to me as those in actual life and not a bit less intense in their manifestations.
This Idid constantly until Iwas about seventeen when my thoughts turned seriously to invention.Then Iobserved to my delight that Icould visualize with the greatest facility.Ineeded no models,drawings or experiments.Icould picture them all as real in my mind.Thus Ihave been led unconsciously to evolve what Iconsider a new method of materializing inventive concepts and ideas,which is radically opposite to the purely experimental and is in my opinion ever so much more expeditious and efficient.
The moment one constructs a device to carry into practise a crude idea he finds himself unavoidably engrossed with the details and defects of the apparatus.As he goes on improving and reconstructing,his force of concentration diminishes and he loses sight of the great underlying principle.Results may be obtained but always at the sacrifice of quality.My method is different.Ido not rush into actual work.When Iget an idea Istart at once building it up in my imagination.Ichange the construction,make improvements and operate the device in my mind.It is absolutely immaterial to me whether Irun my turbine in thought or test it in my shop.Ieven note if it is out of balance.There is no difference whatever,the results are the same.In this way Iam able to rapidly develop and perfect a conception without touching anything.When Ihave gone so far as to embody in the invention every possible improvement Ican think of and see no fault anywhere,Iput into concrete form this final product of my brain.Invariably my device works as Iconceived that it should,and the experiment comes out exactly as Iplanned it.In twenty years there has not been a single exception.Why should it be otherwise?Engineering,electrical and mechanical,is positive in results.There is scarcely a subject that cannot be mathematically treated and the effects calculated or the results determined beforehand from the available theoretical and practical data.The carrying out into practise of a crude idea as is being generally done is,Ihold,nothing but a waste of energy,money and time.
My early affliction had,however,another compensation.The incessant mental exertion developed my powers of observation and enabled me to discover a truth of great importance.Ihad noted that the appearance of images was always preceded by actual vision of scenes under peculiar and generally very exceptional conditions and Iwas impelled on each occasion to locate the original impulse.After a while this effort grew to be almost automatic and Igained great facility in connecting cause and effect.Soon Ibecame aware,to my surprise,that every thought Iconceived was suggested by an external impression.Not only this but all my actions were prompted in a similar way.In the course of time it became perfectly evident to me that Iwas merely an automaton endowed with power of movement,responding to the stimuli of the sense organs and thinking and acting accordingly.The practical result of this was the art of telautomatics which has been so far carried out only in an imperfect manner.Its latent possibilities will,however,be eventually shown.Ihave been since years planning self-controlled automata and believe that mechanisms can be produced which will act as if possessed of reason,to a limited degree,and will create a revolution in many commercial and industrial departments.
Iwas about twelve years old when Ifirst succeeded in banishing an image from my vision by wilful effort,but Inever had any control over the flashes of light to which Ihave referred.They were,perhaps,my strangest experience and inexplicable.They usually occurred when Ifound myself in a dangerous or distressing situation,or when Iwas greatly exhilarated.In some instances Ihave seen all the air around me filled with tongues of living flame.Their intensity,instead of diminishing,increased with time and seemingly attained a maximum when Iwas about twenty-five years old.
While in Paris,in 1883,a prominent French manufacturer sent me an invitation to a shooting expedition which Iaccepted.Ihad been long confined to the factory and the fresh air had a wonderfully invigorating effect on me.On my return to the city that night Ifelt a positive sensation that my brain had caught fire.Isaw a light as tho a small sun was located in it and Ipast the whole night applying cold compressions to my tortured head.Finally the flashes diminished in frequency and force but it took more than three weeks before they wholly subsided.When a second invitation was extended to me my answer was an emphatic NO!
These luminous phenomena still manifest themselves from time to time,as when a new idea opening up possibilities strikes me,but they are no longer exciting,being of relatively small intensity.When Iclose my eyes Iinvariably observe first,a background of very dark and uniform blue,not unlike the sky on a clear but starless night.In a few seconds this field becomes animated with innumerable scintillating flakes of green,arranged in several layers and advancing towards me.Then there appears,to the right,a beautiful pattern of two systems of parallel and closely spaced lines,at right angles to one another,in all sorts of colors with yellow-green and gold predominating.Immediately thereafter the lines grow brighter and the whole is thickly sprinkled with dots of twinkling light.This picture moves slowly across the field of vision and in about ten seconds vanishes to the left,leaving behind a ground of rather unpleasant and inert grey which quickly gives way to a billowy sea of clouds,seemingly trying to mould themselves in living shapes.It is curious that Icannot project a form into this grey until the second phase is reached.Every time,before falling asleep,images of persons or objects flit before my view.When Isee them Iknow that Iam about to lose consciousness.If they are absent and refuse to come，it means a sleepless night.
To what an extent imagination played a part in my early life Imay illustrate by another odd experience.Like most children Iwas fond of jumping and developed an intense desire to support myself in the air.Occasionally a strong wind richly charged with oxygen blew from the mountains rendering my body as light as cork and then Iwould leap and float in space for a long time.It was a delightful sensation and my disappointment was keen when later Iundeceived myself.
During that period Icontracted many strange likes,dislikes and habits,some of which Ican trace to external impressions while others are unaccountable.Ihad a violent aversion against the earrings of women but other ornaments,as bracelets,pleased me more or less according to design.The sight of a pearl would almost give me a fit but Iwas fascinated with the glitter of crystals or objects with sharp edges and plane surfaces.Iwould not touch the hair of other people except,perhaps,at the point of a revolver.Iwould get a fever by looking at a peach and if a piece of camphor was anywhere in the house,it caused me the keenest discomfort.Even now Iam not insensible to some of these upsetting impulses.When Idrop little squares of paper in a dish filled with liquid,Ialways sense a peculiar and awful taste in my mouth.Icounted the steps in my walks and calculated the cubical contents of soup plates,coffee cups and pieces of food-otherwise my meal was unenjoyable.All repeated acts or operations Iperformed had to be divisible by three and if Imist Ifelt impelled to do it all over again,even if it took hours.
Up to the age of eight years,my character was weak and vacillating.Ihad neither courage or strength to form a firm resolve.My feelings came in waves and surges and vibrated unceasingly between extremes.My wishes were of consuming force and like the heads of the hydra,they multiplied.Iwas oppressed by thoughts of pain in life and death and religious fear.Iwas swayed by superstitious belief and lived in constant dread of the spirit of evil,of ghosts and ogres and other unholy monsters of the dark.Then,all at once,there came a tremendous change which altered the course of my whole existence.
Of all things Iliked books the best.My father had a large library and whenever Icould manage Itried to satisfy my passion for reading.He did not permit it and would fly into a rage when he caught me in the act.He hid the candles when he found that Iwas reading in secret.He did not want me to spoil my eyes.But Iobtained tallow,made the wicking and cast the sticks into tin forms,and every night Iwould bush the keyhole and the cracks and read,often till dawn,when all others slept and my mother started on her arduous daily task.
On one occasion Icame across a novel entitled Abafi (the Son of Aba),a Serbian translation of a well known Hungarian writer,Josika.This work somehow awakened my dormant powers of will and Ibegan to practise self-control.At first my resolutions faded like snow in April,but in a little while Iconquered my weakness and felt a pleasure Inever knew before-that of doing as Iwilled.
In the course of time this vigorous mental exercise became second nature.At the outset my wishes had to be subdued but gradually desire and will grew to be identical.After years of such discipline Igained so complete a mastery over myself that Itoyed with passions which have meant destruction to some of the strongest men.At a certain age Icontracted a mania for gambling which greatly worried my parents.To sit down to a game of cards was for me the quintessence of pleasure.My father led an exemplary life and could not excuse the senseless waste of time and money in which Iindulged.Ihad a strong resolve but my philosophy was bad.Iwould say to him,"Ican stop whenever Iplease but is it worth while to give up that which Iwould purchase with the joys of Paradise?"On frequent occasions he gave vent to his anger and contempt but my mother was different.She understood the character of men and knew that one"s salvation could only be brought about thru his own efforts.One afternoon,Iremember,when Ihad lost all my money and was craving for a game,she came to me with a roll of bills and said,"Go and enjoy yourself.The sooner you lose all we possess the better it will be.Iknow that you will get over it."She was right.Iconquered my passion then and there and only regretted that it had not been a hundred times as strong.Inot only vanquished but tore it from my heart so as not to leave even a trace of desire.Ever since that time Ihave been as indifferent to any form of gambling as to picking teeth.
During another period Ismoked excessively,threatening to ruin my health.Then my will asserted itself and Inot only stopt but destroyed all inclination.Long ago Isuffered from heart trouble until Idiscovered that it was due to the innocent cup of coffee Iconsumed every morning.Idiscontinued at once,tho Iconfess it was not an easy task.In this way Ichecked and bridled other habits and passions and have not only preserved my life but derived an immense amount of satisfaction from what most men would consider privation and sacrifice.
After finishing the studies at the Polytechnic Institute and University Ihad a complete nervous breakdown and while the malady lasted Iobserved many phenomena strange and unbelievable.
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