父爱就像是一座高山，虽然我们不必每天仰望，可当我们跌倒时，山永远都在背后。
■爱在无语时 Words from a Father
◎Razib
In the doorway of my home,I looked closely at the face of my 23-year-old son,Daniel,his backpack by his side.We were saying goodbye.In a few hours he would be flying to France.He would be staying there for at least a year to learn another language and experience life in a different country.
It was a transitional time in Daniel's life,a passage,a step from college into the adult world.I wanted to leave him some words that would have some meaning,some significance beyond the moment.
But nothing came from my lips.No sound broke the stillness of my beachside home.Outside,I could hear the shrill cries of sea gulls as they circled the ever changing surf on Long Island.Inside,I stood frozen and quiet,looking into the searching eyes of my son.
What made it more difficult was that I knew this was not the first time I had let such a moment pass.When Daniel was five,I took him to the school-bus stop on his first day of kindergarten.I felt the tension in his hand holding mine as the bus turned the corner.I saw color flush his cheeks as the bus pulled up.He looked at me—as he did now.
名人语库
A father is always making his baby into a little woman.And when she is a woman he turns her back again.
~Enid Bagnold
父亲总是把他的女儿塑造成一个小女人。当她成了一个真正的女人时，他又不断地指引她前进。
——巴格诺尔德
在家门口，我凝视着23岁的儿子丹尼尔的脸，他的背包就放在身旁。几个小时之后我们即将道别，他就要飞往法国。他将在那里待上至少一年去学习另一种语言，体验另一个国度的生活。
这是丹尼尔生命中的一个过渡时期，也是他从象牙塔进入成人世界踏出的一步。我希望送给他几句话，几句能让他受用终身的话语。
但我竟一句话也说不出来。我们的房子坐落在海边，此刻屋里一片静寂。屋外，海鸥在波涛澎湃的长岛海域上空盘旋，我能听见它们的声声尖叫。我就这样冷冷地站在屋里，默默地注视着儿子那双困惑的眼睛。
更糟的是，我知道自己已经不是第一次让如此重要的时光白白流逝。丹尼尔5岁的时候，那是他上幼儿园的第一天，我领着他来到校车的停车点。当校车转过街角出现时，他的小手紧紧地攥着我，我感觉到了他的紧张。校车到站的那一刻，丹尼尔双颊发红，抬头望着我——就像现在这样。
“爸爸，接下来会怎样呢？我能行吗？我会很好吗？”说着，他上了校车，消失在我的视线里。车开走了，我却始终开不了口。
10多年后，这一幕再次上演。我和妻子开车送他到维吉尼亚州的威廉玛丽学院读书。在学校的第一个晚上，丹尼尔和他的新同学一起外出。第二天清晨，再见到他时，他病了。其实他当时已经染上了单核细胞增多症，但我们并不知道那件事，以为他只是有点不舒服。
当我准备启程回家时，丹尼尔正在宿舍的床上躺着。我很想说一些鼓励的话语，在他开始这份新生活时，给他一些勇气和信心。
What is it going to be like,Dad?Can I do it?Will I be OK?And then he walked up the steps of the bus and disappeared inside.And the bus drove away.And I had said nothing.
A decade or so later,a similar scene played itself out.With his mother,I drove him to William and Mary College in Virginia.His first night,he went out with his new schoolmates,and when he met us the next morning,he was sick.He was coming down with mononucleosis,but we could not know that then.We thought he had a hangover.
In his room,Dan lay stretched out on his bed as I started to leave for the trip home.I tried to think of something to say to give him courage and confidence as he started this new phase of life.
Again,words failed me.I mumbled something like,"Hope you feel better,Dan."And I left.
Now,as I stood before him,I thought of those lost opportunities.How many times have we all let such moments pass?A boy graduates from school,a daughter gets married.We go through the motions of the ceremony,but we don't seek out our children and find a quiet moment to tell them what they have meant to us.Or what they might expect to face in the years ahead.
How fast the years had passed.Daniel was born in New Orleans,LA.,in 1962,slow to walk and talk,and small of stature.He was the tiniest in his class,but he developed a warm,outgoing nature and was popular with his peers.He was coordinated and agile,and he became adept in sports.
Baseball gave him his earliest challenge.He was an outstanding pitcher in Little League,and eventually,as a senior in high school,made the varsity,winning half the team's games with a record of five wins and two losses.At graduation,the coach named Daniel the team's most valuable player.His finest hour,though,came at a school science fair.He entered an exhibit showing how the circulatory system works.It was primitive and crude,especially compared to the fancy,computerized,blinking-light models entered by other students.My wife,Sara,felt embarrassed for him.
但是，我再一次语塞。我只是咕哝了一句：“丹尼尔，希望你快点好起来。”然后便转身离开了。
此时此刻，我站在他面前，想起了那些错过的时刻。究竟有多少次，我们让这些珍贵的时刻白白溜走？儿子的毕业典礼、女儿的婚礼等。我们疲于应付这些热闹的场面，却没有在人群中抓住我们的孩子，找个安静的地方，亲口说出他们对我们来说有多么重要，或者与他们聊聊未来的挑战和人生的期望。
时光飞逝，岁月如梭。1962年，小丹尼尔出生于洛杉矶新奥尔良市。他学会走路和说话要比同龄人稍迟一些，个子也长得不高。但是，尽管丹尼尔是班里最瘦小的一个，但他的性格热情外向，在同学中人缘颇佳。由于协调性好，动作敏捷，他很快就成了运动高手。
棒球是丹尼尔人生中的第一项挑战。他是棒球队里出色的投手。高三的时候，丹尼尔带领学校棒球队所向披靡，创下了7局5胜的记录。在毕业典礼上，棒球教练宣布他为球队里的“最有价值球员”。然而，丹尼尔最辉煌的时刻却是在一次校园科技展上。丹尼尔带着他的循环电路系统参加了这次展览。与其他参展学生的那些新奇怪异、电脑操控、熠熠发光的模型相比，丹尼尔的作品相形见绌。我的妻子莎拉都感到有些尴尬。
后来我们才知道，其他孩子的作品并不是自己完成的，而是父母代劳的。当评委在现场评审的时候，他们发现这些孩子都对参展作品一无所知，无法回答问题，只有丹尼尔对答如流。于是，他们把本次展览的最佳作品奖颁给了丹尼尔，并授予他“艾伯特·爱因斯坦奖牌”。
丹尼尔刚进大学时已经是个身高6尺、重170磅的堂堂男子汉了。自从放弃棒球而选择英国文学后，肌肉结实、身体强壮的丹尼尔就再没打过棒球。我为他放弃了自己的体育特长感到遗憾，但更为他做出如此慎重的决定感到骄傲。
有一次，我告诉丹尼尔，我一生中最大的失误，就是大学刚毕业时没能抽出一两年的时间出游旅行。在我看来，旅行是开拓视野、形成豁达人生观的最好方式。而当我成家工作以后，我发现，体验异国文化的梦想已经烟消云散了。
It turned out that the other kids had not done their own work—their parents had made their exhibits.As the judges went on their rounds,they found that these other kids couldn't answer their questions.Daniel answered every one.When the judges awarded the Albert Einstein Plaque for the best exhibit,they gave it to him.
By the time Daniel left for college he stood six feet tall and weighed 170 pounds.He was muscular and in superb condition,but he never pitched another inning,having given up baseball for English literature.I was sorry that he would not develop his athletic talent,but proud that he had made such a mature decision.
One day I told Daniel that the great failing in my life had been that I didn't take a year or two off to travel when I finished college.This is the best way,to my way of thinking,to broaden oneself and develop a larger perspective on life.Once I had married and begun working,I found that the dream of living in another culture had vanished.
Daniel thought about this.His friends said that he would be insane to put his career on hold.But he decided it wasn't so crazy.After graduation,he worked as a waiter at college,a bike messenger and a house painter.With the money he earned,he had enough to go to Paris.
The night before he was to leave,I tossed in bed.I was trying to figure out something to say.Nothing came to mind.Maybe,I thought,it wasn't necessary to say anything.
听了这番话后，丹尼尔若有所思。丹尼尔的朋友告诫他说，为了游历世界而把事业搁在一边，这是非常愚蠢的疯狂行为。但丹尼尔并不认同。毕业后，他曾在大学校园端盘子，骑单车送报纸，还替人刷过墙。通过打工挣钱，他攒足了去巴黎的路费。
丹尼尔离开的前一个晚上，我在床上辗转难眠。我想准备好明天要说的话，但脑袋里一片空白。也许根本就无须说什么，我安慰自己。
即使一位父亲一辈子都不曾亲口告诉儿子自己对他的看法，那又如何？然而，当我面对丹尼尔时，我知道这非常重要。我爱我的父亲，他也爱我。但我从未听他说过什么心里话，更没有这些感人的回忆。为此，我总是心怀遗憾。现在，我能感觉到自己手心冒汗，喉咙也在打结。为什么对儿子说几句心里话这么困难？我的嘴巴变得干涩，我想我顶多能够清晰地吐出几个字而已。
“丹尼尔，”我终于挤出了一句，“如果上帝让我选择谁是我的儿子，我始终会选择你。”
这是我说的唯一一句话。我不知道丹尼尔是否理解了这句话，但他扑过来伸出胳膊抱住了我。那一刻，整个世界都消失了，只剩下我和丹尼尔站在海边的小屋里。
丹尼尔也在说着什么，但泪水已经模糊了我的双眼，我一个字也没听进去。当他的脸紧贴着我时，我感觉到了他下巴上的胡子楂。然后，一切恢复原样。我继续工作，丹尼尔几个小时后带着女友离开了。
7个星期过去了。周末，在海边散步时，我会想起丹尼尔。几千英里之外的某个地方，横跨这个荒芜海岸的茫茫大海，丹尼尔也许正飞奔着穿越圣热蒙大道，或者漫步在卢浮宫散发霉味的走廊上，又或者正托着下巴，坐在左岸咖啡馆里憩息。
我对丹尼尔说的那些话，既晦涩又老套，空洞无文。然而，它却道出了一切。
What does it matter in the course of a life-time if a father never tells a son what he really thinks of him?But as I stood before Daniel,I knew that it does matter.My father and I loved each other.Yet,I always regretted never hearing him put his feelings into words and never having the memory of that moment.Now,I could feel my palms sweat and my throat tighten.Why is it so hard to tell a son something from the heart?My mouth turned dry,and I knew I would be able to get out only a few words clearly.
"Daniel,"I said,"if I could have picked,I would have picked you."
That's all I could say.I wasn't sure he understood what I meant.Then he came toward me and threw his arms around me.For a moment,the world and all its people vanished,and there was just Daniel and me in our home by the sea.
He was saying something,but my eyes misted over,and I couldn't understand what he was saying.All I was aware of was the stubble on his chin as his face pressed against mine.And then,the moment ended.I went to work,and Daniel left a few hours later with his girlfriend.
That was seven weeks ago,and I think about him when I walk along the beach on weekends.Thousands of miles away,somewhere out past the ocean waves breaking on the deserted shore,he might be scurrying across Boulevard Saint German,strolling through a musty hallway of the Louvre,bending an elbow in a Left Bank Cafe.
What I had said to Daniel was clumsy and trite.It was nothing.And yet,it was everything.
名人语库
It no longer bothers me that I may be constantly searching for father figures;by this time,I have found several and dearly enjoyed knowing them all.
~Alice Walker
我不厌其烦地不断寻找父亲的影子。最后，我终于深深地享受并懂得了他的用心良苦。
——爱丽斯·沃克
下意识地，我伸手打开车里的收音机，预先调好的KGBX台是我在清晨开车去邮电局上班的路上经常听的软摇滚音乐台。我看了一眼坐在乘客座位上14岁的女儿，又把收音机关了。
莉斯穿着礼服，从着装可以看出，她要去的是一个隆重的场合。我们在去往密苏里州斯普林菲尔德的路上，前去参加全区的音乐竞赛，莉斯将要表演长笛独奏，这是她第一次正式独奏。我以前在明尼苏达州参加过竞赛，知道任何别的音乐都会扰乱你的注意力，除了你自己将要演奏的曲子。
“爸爸说他可能会来。”莉斯说。自从我们10年前离婚后，她父亲就不再是她生活中的重要组成部分了。她的声音听起来既兴奋，又有些害怕。
噢，想给父亲留下深刻的印象，又担心他失望——我是否有过这种感觉？突然间，我仿佛又回到了12岁，坐在明尼苏达州音乐比赛的舞台上，手指平稳地放在我那耀眼的黑色Pan Italia手风琴键盘上。我看见观众席上坐着的那些自豪的家长，然后看到了他，我的父亲。他坐在最后一排，双臂交叉放在胸前，平短的头发根根直竖着。他那双锐利的蓝眼睛在黑框眼镜后面眯缝着，目不转睛地注视着我。
■黄昏时分 Twilight Time
◎Anonymous
Reflexively I reached to turn on my car radio,preset to KGBX,the soft-rock station I always listen to on my early-morning drives to my job at the post office.Then I glanced at my 14-year-old daughter in the passenger seat and thought better of it.
Liz wore a dress.That in itself bespoke the seriousness of the occasion.We were on our way to the Springfield,Missouri,district wide music competition,where Liz would be playing a flute solo,her very first.I knew from my own competition days back in Minnesota that it messed with your concentration to hear any music besides the piece you were planning to play.
"Dad said he might come."Liz said.Her father hadn't been a big part of her life since our divorce 10 years earlier,and she sounded both excited and scared.
Boy,did I know that feeling—wanting to impress your father and at the same time,being terrified of letting him down?Suddenly I was 12 years old again,sitting onstage at the Minnesota state music competition,fingers poised[18]on the keyboard of my shiny black Pan Italia accordion.I looked out at the audience of proud parents.Then I saw him.My dad.He sat at the end of a row,arms folded,crew cut bristling.His piercing blue eyes narrowed behind his black-rimmed glasses and focused unwaveringly on me.
我完全窒息了。我已经把竞赛曲子练习了好几个月，直到背得滚瓜烂熟。但是那天下午，我别致的手风琴好像变成了纸板盒。我挤出了一小段不伦不类的调子，满眼泪水地逃离了舞台。
我的父亲，一个重视家长威严的“二战”老兵，没有给我任何安慰。他什么也没对我说。他只是握着旅行车的方向盘，双唇冷酷地紧闭着，驶在回德卢斯150英里的路途中。我也一言不发。真的，在这样的表现之后，我还能说什么呢？我知道，为了支付我的手风琴和课时费，父亲是多么辛苦工作才勉强凑足钱的。但是，就在他有机会出席的唯一一次比赛中，我却让他失望了。
我们开得越远，旅行车里就显得越寂静，直到在我和父亲之间筑起了一堵密不透风的墙。想到音乐曾经是我们内心深处最紧密的连接，这就像是一种极其残酷的惩罚。
家中5个孩子，我排行老幺，当我来到这个家时，父亲已经为了养活这个大家庭而累得精疲力竭。在他从杰诺比萨厂下班回来后，我和哥哥姐姐们总是踮着脚尖围着他。但在星期天下午，父亲会靠在他的躺椅上，让我为他演奏。他喜欢大爵士乐队时代的音乐，尤其喜欢《黄昏时分》这首歌。我从乐谱上自学了这首曲子，就是为了他。他似乎并不在乎我没有什么演奏风格。父亲会跟着哼唱，闭着眼睛，泪水从眼角悄然滑落，仿佛我把他带入了一个魔幻般的世外桃源。
回家的路上，父亲没有说过一个字，也没再出席过我的比赛。我最希望能因我而骄傲的那个人就是父亲，但我让他失望了，我永远也无法从这种痛苦中解脱出来。那天下午，我失去的不仅仅是镇静。我感觉自己仿佛失去了打开父亲心扉的钥匙，而在我重新找回这把钥匙之前，他就去世了。
I completely choked.I'd practiced my contest piece for months until I knew it by heart,inside and out.But my fancy accordion might as well have been a cardboard box that afternoon.I forced out some semblance of a tune and fled the stage in tears.
No consolation[19]came from my father,a World War II veteran who epitomized authority.He didn't say a thing to me.He just took the wheel of our station wagon,his mouth a grim line as we set off on the 150-mile drive back to Duluth.I didn't say anything either.What could I say,really,after what I'd done?I knew how hard Dad worked to scrape together enough money for my accordion and lessons.But the one time he was able to come to a competition,I let him down.
The farther we drove,the more the silence in our station wagon grew until it stood like an impenetrable wall between Dad and me.It seemed an especially cruel punishment considering music had been our deepest connection.
By the time I came along,the last of five children,my father was worn out from the demands of supporting a large family.My brothers and sisters and I tiptoed around him when he came home from his shift at Jeno's Pizza factory.But on Sunday afternoons,Dad would sit back in his recliner and ask me to play for him.He loved the music of the Big Band era,and none more than the song Twilight Time.I taught myself the tune from the sheet music,just for him.It didn't seem to matter that my rendition was lacking in style.My father would hum along,his eyes closed,tears escaping from the corners as if I'd transported him to some magical,heavenly place.
“你为什么要让我辜负我的爸爸？”自那以后多年，我经常质问上帝，“难道你就不能给我一个弥补的机会吗？”“妈妈，到了。”女儿的声音把我拽回了现实。我把车停在了中央高中的停车场。“还好，我还有时间热热身。”莉斯一边说着，一边和我走进了学校。
在练习室里，莉斯把长笛从盒子里拿了出来，打开乐谱，完美地吹奏了一遍曲子。进演奏大厅之前，我给了她一个拥抱。“放松点，”我说，“你会吹得很棒的。”
莉斯紧张地笑了笑。“也许你该等到比赛结束后再下判断。”排在莉斯之前的独奏选手一个接一个地表演完了。时针不祥地逼近了她的演出时间：11点5分。“爸爸来了，”莉斯低声告诉我，“我能听见他在走廊里的声音。”她的父亲随着人群走了进来，带着摄像机。我不禁为莉斯感到一阵焦虑。接着我才发现，她已不在我身旁的座位上，而是拘谨地站在舞台上的钢琴旁。希尔米先生是她的社会课老师兼伴奏，向她眨眼示意。
“嘿，总不至于像我的考试那么差劲吧！”莉斯咯咯地笑着，紧张的神情渐渐从她的脸上褪去，她举起长笛放到了唇边。
上帝，请让她发挥出最好的水平吧！
莉斯深吸了一口气，开始了她的独奏。她的手指在银色的按键上翩翩起舞。乐器飘扬出甜美、纯净而朴实的旋律。我闭上眼睛，任由女儿的音乐充斥着整个大脑。
Dad never said a word the entire way home,never again attended one of my competitions.I never got over the hurt of having disappointed the one person I'd most wanted to make proud.I'd lost more than my composure that afternoon.I felt as if I'd lost the key to my father's heart,and he died before I could find it again.
"Why did you let me fail my father?"I'd often wondered to God in the years since,"Couldn't you at least have given me a chance to make it up to him?""Mom,this is it."My daughter's voice snapped me back to the present.I parked in the lot at Central High."Good,I have time to warm up."Liz said as we walked into the school.
In the practice room,Liz took her flute out of its case,unfolded her music and ran through her piece flawlessly[20].Just before we stepped into the recital hall,I gave her a hug."Relax,"I said,"you're going to do great."
Liz laughed nervously."Maybe you should wait till the competitions over before you decide that."One after another,the soloists scheduled before Liz played.The clock clicked ominously close to her 11:05 performance time."Dad's here,"Liz whispered to me,"I can hear him in the hallway."Her father trooped in,carrying a video camera.I felt a flutter of anxiety for Liz.The next thing I knew she was no longer in the seat next to me but standing stiffly[21]onstage beside the piano.Mr.Hillme,her social-studies teacher and accompanist,winked at her.
"Hey,not as bad as one of my tests,is it?"Liz chuckled,the tension easing from her face,and lifted the flute to her lips.
我忘记了比赛，忘记了莉斯在她父亲面前表演的紧张情绪。
突然，我想起了我的父亲。虽然他在比萨厂待了一整天后一定渴望清静，但还是耐心地忍受着我每晚练习手风琴的那段时间。我务实的父亲坚决反对任何形式的债务，但当我长大用不了二手的学生型手风琴时，他让步了，为我买了一台最好的标准尺寸的手风琴。表情严肃的父亲打开我们的手风琴，弹奏了一小段节奏强劲的大型爵士乐曲，整个屋子欢腾了起来。严肃无情、过度操劳的父亲斜靠在躺椅上，听着他最小的孩子演奏他最喜欢的曲子，喜悦的泪水赶走了他的负担。
我的父亲——他知道自己的出现令我无法在台上正常发挥，必定非常难过，他甚至都不知道说什么或做什么来安慰我，唯有不再出席后来的比赛，不再干扰我。爸爸，对不起，我以为您对我失望了。我知道，您爱我更甚于爱音乐。我也希望您能明白，我是多么地爱您。但愿我能再为您演奏一曲《黄昏时分》。
莉斯放下长笛，在全场雷鸣般的掌声中鞠躬致谢（无论如何，至少对一个自豪的母亲来说，这掌声如同雷鸣一般）。“妈妈，我甚至连乐谱都没看！”回家的路上，莉斯在车里喊着，“我是说，我只是看着它，但我没有读。我只是演奏，任由音乐带着我走。”我明白她的意思。
在莉斯比赛之后的周一清早，我出发去邮局上4点半的班。我打开了车上的收音机。开始没有声音，接着从扬声器里传来的并不是KGBX的软摇滚音乐，而很明显是20世纪40年代大型爵士乐队的铜管乐。这个电台是从哪里来的呢？
一个女低音歌手幽幽地哼唱着我从未听人唱过的歌，虽然我曾在我的旧手风琴盒里破烂的乐谱上见过这些歌词。“天空的夜幕落下，已是黄昏时分。／透过薄雾，传来你的声音，已是黄昏时分。／当紫色天幕预示着一天的结束，我将听到你的声音，亲爱的，在那黄昏时分。”
Lord,please let her play her best.
Liz took a deep breath and launched into her solo.Her fingers danced along the silver keys.The melody floated out of the instrument,sweet and pure and honest.I closed my eyes,letting myself be carried away by my daughter's song.
I forgot about the competition.I forgot about Liz's nervousness at performing in front of her father.
All at once I pictured my own father,patiently enduring my nightly accordion practice sessions though he must have yearned for peace and quiet after his long days at the pizza factory.My practical dad,adamantly opposed to any kind of debt,conceding to make payments on a top-of-the-line,full-size accordion when I'd outgrown my secondhand student model.My stern,serious dad,cranking up our Lowrey organ,picking out the notes of a swingy Big Band tune and getting the whole house jumping.My unsentimental,overworked father?Leaning back in his recliner,his burdens chased away by tears of joy at hearing his youngest child play his favorite song.
My dad,who must have felt so awful knowing his presence prevented me from playing well onstage that he hadn't known what to say or do to comfort me—except to stay away and not upset me at my subsequent competitions.Dad,I'm sorry I thought you were disappointed in me.I know you loved me even more than you loved music.I wish you could know how much I love you too.I wish I could play Twilight Time for you again.
Liz put down her flute and took a bow to thunderous applause(well,thunderous to a proud mother,anyway)."Mom,I didn't even see the music,"Liz exclaimed in the car on the way home,"I mean,I was looking at it,but I didn't have to read it.I just played and let it take me away."I knew what she meant.
眼泪一滴滴地从我的眼角滑落。上帝的爱之音乐，终于在我和父亲之间架起了一座桥，跨越了那沉默的岁月。
Monday morning after Liz's competition,I set out for my 4:30 a.m.shift at the post office.I clicked on my car radio.Silence.Then instead of KGBX's soft rock,out of the speakers came the unmistakable brassy sounds of a 1940s-era big band.Where did this station come from?
A woman's smoky contralto crooned words I'd never heard sung,though they were printed on the tattered sheet music in my old accordion case."Heavenly shades of night are falling,it's twilight time./Out of the mist,your voice is calling,it's twilight time./When purple-colored curtains mark the end of day,I'll hear you,my dear,at twilight time."
Tears trickled out of the corners of my eyes.The music of God's love had bridged the years and the silence between my dad and me at last.
名人语库
I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.
~Sigmund Freud
我想象不出还有什么比父亲的保护让一个孩子渴求得更强烈。
——弗洛伊德
如果为人父母有职务简述的话，我的“职务简述”将会包括如下内容：管理账单、和孩子们玩耍、洗衣、做饭、洗衣、安排与人合伙用车、洗衣、准备小吃、安排短途旅游、购物、洗衣。
在我丈夫的“职务简述”上，唯一的词就是上端两个红色大字——“乐子”。尽管他无私地给予孩子们百般关爱，尽其所能为他们提供所需，更多的时候还被孩子们看作攀缘游戏架、大傻瓜和小丑的三合一。
我们俩为人父母的风格是互补的。他的风格是持续不断地探险，在这个过程中，没有人需要操心孩子是不是洗手了，是不是吃蔬菜了，或者会不会长蛀牙。我的风格则类似墨索里尼的执政风格。我太忙了，操心这儿操心那儿，哪还顾得上找什么乐子。再者，每次我试图逗孩子们开心时，总是被我丈夫比下去。
我给孩子们买来带泡泡糖香味的牙膏，教他们如何用牙刷转圈儿刷牙，以免得蛀牙。他们认为那样刷牙很好玩，直到有一天我先生教他们如何漱口——从两颗门牙之间把水像喷泉一样喷出来，他们认为这才叫做好玩。
■父亲的职责
无可替代
Fathers Have a Unique Job
◎Debbie Farmer
If parents had job descriptions mine would read:organize bills,playmates,laundry,meals,laundry,carpool,laundry,snacks,outings and shopping,and laundry.
The only thing on my husband's description would be the word"fun"written in big red letters along the top.Although he is a selfless caregiver and provider,our children think of him more as a combination of a jungle gym and bozo[22]and clown.
Our parenting styles compliment each other.His style is a nonstop adventure where no one has to worry about washing their hands,eating vegetables,or getting cavities.My style is similar to Mussolini.I'm too busy worrying to be fun.Besides,every time I try,I am constantly outdone by my husband.
I bought my children bubble gum flavored toothpaste and I taught them how to brush their teeth in tiny circles so they wouldn't get cavities.They thought it was neat until my husband taught them how to rinse[23]by spitting out water between their two front teeth like a fountain.
我带孩子们到小树林里去散步，2个小时后，我好不容易才逮住一只迟钝的瓢虫放进我儿子的虫笼里。在他们眼里，我已经够“酷”了，直到他们的父亲回家，在后院里只花了2分钟，便捕获了一只有吉娃娃小狗那么大的甲虫！
我劝慰自己说我是个好妈妈，尽管我先生能做的事情我做不了。我可以确保孩子们是安全的、暖和的、干干爽爽的。我可以排队等5个小时，让孩子们在大商场里看到圣诞老人——或者第一个排队让孩子们看最新的迪斯尼影片。但是我不会给录像机接上电线，让孩子们可以看他们喜欢的录像。
当孩子们玩累时，我可以把他们抱在怀里，放在床上，亲吻他们，把他们送入梦乡。但是我无法让他们头冲下，那样他们可以脚踏天花板漫步；或者把他们扛在我的肩膀上，让他们看飞蛾如何在灯具里漂亮地飞舞。
我可以带他们去看医生，参加童子军集会，或者带他们参观水族馆，但是我永远也不会进入荒郊野地，在鱼钩上挂上虫饵，钓上一条鱼，然后把鱼用锡纸包起来，在明火上烤着吃。
我甚至可以出席每一场少年棒球联合会的比赛，坐在第一排为他们呐喊助威，直到我的嗓子喊疼了，我的扁桃体发炎了，但是我永远无法教我的儿子如何打一个本垒打，或者如何巧妙地进入一垒的位置。
作为一个母亲，我可以为我的孩子们做许多事情，但是不管我怎样努力——我永远成为不了他们的父亲。
I took the children on a walk in the woods,and after two hours,I managed to corral[24]a slow ladybug into my son's insect cage.I was"cool"until their father came home,spent two minutes in the backyard,and captured a beetle the size of a Chihuahua.
I try to tell myself I am a good parent even if my husband does things I can't do.I can make sure my children are safe,warm,and dry.I'll stand in line for five hours so the children can see Santa at the mall or be first in line to see the latest Disney movie.But I can't wire the VCR so my children can watch their favorite video.
I can carry my children in my arms when they are tired,tuck them into bed,and kiss them goodnight.But I can't flip them upside down so they can walk on the ceiling or prop them on my shoulders so they can see the moths flying inside of the light fixture.
I can take them to doctor appointments,scout meetings,or field trips to the aquarium,but I'll never go into the wilderness,skewer[25]a worm on a hook,reel in a fish,and cook it over an open flame on a piece of tin foil.
I'll even sit in the first row of every Little League game and cheer until my throat is sore and my tonsils are raw,but I'll never teach my son how to hit a home run or slide into first base.
As a mother I can do a lot of things for my children,but no matter how hard I try—I can never be their father.
名人语库
That is the thankless position of the father in the family—the provider for all,and the enemy of all.
~J.August Strindberg
父亲在家里是个吃力不讨好的角色——既要养活全家，又受全家敌视。
——斯特林堡
妈妈去世之后，我开始在每天上班之前都去探望爸爸。他身体虚弱，行走缓慢，但是，他总是亲手为我榨一杯鲜橙汁放在厨房桌子上，旁边还有一张不签名的纸条，写着：“把橙汁喝了。”我知道，这是他表达对我的爱的方式。事实上，至今我还记得，当我还是个孩子的时候，我问过妈妈：“为什么爸爸不爱我？”对此，妈妈皱起了眉头。“谁说他不爱你？”“可是，他从没告诉过我。”我抱怨道。“他从来也没告诉过我，”她说，脸上露出笑容，“但是，你看他为了照顾我们，给我们买吃的、穿的，支付房款，干活多拼命呀。这就是你爸爸表达爱我们的方式。”然后，妈妈抓着我的肩膀问道：“你明白了吗？”
我慢慢地点了点头。我的脑子明白，可心里还是不明白。我仍然想要爸爸拥抱我，告诉我他爱我。爸爸拥有并经营一家小型废金属处理厂。放学后，在他工作时，我经常在他身边玩耍。我总希望他会叫我帮忙，然后称赞我做的事，可是，他从来不叫我。因为让一个小男孩去干他干的活实在太危险，妈妈为爸爸的安全已经够担心了。爸爸用手把废金属塞进一个装置，这个装置像屠夫剁肋骨那样，利索地切割金属。这台机器看上去像一把巨大的剪刀，刀片比爸爸的身躯还要厚。伺候这台令人恐怖的机器太危险了，稍有不慎就会导致重伤。
■默默的父爱 The Silent Love of a Father
◎Bert Clompus
After Mom died,I began visiting Dad every morning before I went to work.He was frail and moved slowly,but he always had a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice on the kitchen table for me,along with an unsigned note reading,"Drink your juice."Such a gesture,I knew,was as far as Dad had ever been able to go in expressing his love.In fact,I remember,as a kid I had questioned Mom,"Why doesn't Dad love me!"Mom frowned."Who said he doesn't love you!""Well,he never tells me."I complained."He never tells me either,"she said smiling,"but look how hard he works to take care of us,to buy us food and clothes,and to pay for this house.That's how your father tells us he loves us."Then Mom held me by the shoulders and asked,"Do you understand!"
I nodded slowly.I understood in my head,but not in my heart.I still wanted my father to put his arms around me and tell me he loved me.Dad owned and operated a small scrap metal business,and after school I often hung around while he worked.I always hoped he'd ask me to help and then praise me for what I did.He never asked.His tasks were too dangerous for a young boy to attempt,and Mom was already worried enough that he'd hurt himself.Dad hand fed scrap steel into a device that chopped it as cleanly as a butcher chops a rack of ribs.The machine looked like a giant pair of scissors,with blades thicker than my father's body.If he didn't feed those terrifying blades just right,he risked serious injury.
“你为什么不雇一个人来替你干那活？”一天晚上，妈妈为爸爸涂气味强烈的搽剂，俯身为他按摩酸痛的肩膀时问道。“那你为什么不雇一名厨师？”爸爸反问道，难得地笑了一下。妈妈直起身子，双手叉在腰上：“埃克，你怎么啦？难道你不喜欢我做的菜？”“我当然喜欢你做的饭菜啦！可是，如果我雇得起帮手，那你就雇得起厨师了呢！”爸爸大笑起来，这是我生平第一次感觉到爸爸的幽默感。不过，那台切割机不是他工厂里唯一的危险物。他还有一台乙炔炬，用来切割厚钢板和粗钢条。在我听来，那乙炔炬发出的切割声比蒸汽机火车头发出的声音还要大。当他用它切割钢材时，无数熔化的金属粉末状液体喷射出来，在他周围飞溅，就像一群愤怒的萤火虫。
许多年之后，在我第一次离家前看望爸爸，喝完爸爸亲手为我榨的橙汁之后，走过去拥抱着他，说：“爸爸，我爱你。”从那以后，我每天早上都这样做。可是，爸爸从未告诉过我，我拥抱他时他是什么感受；而且在我拥抱他时，他的脸上从来没有任何表情。然而，一天早上，由于时间紧迫，我喝完橙汁就向门口走去。
爸爸一步跨到我面前，问道：“这个？”“这个什么？”我问道，可我心里一清二楚。“这个？”他又说了一遍，交叉着双臂东张西望，就是不看我。我格外使劲地抱了抱他。现在是说出我一直想说的话的最佳时刻了。“爸，我已经50岁了，可您从来没有对我说过您爱我。”父亲转身走开了，他拿起那只空杯子，把它洗干净放在一边。“您告诉过别人您爱我，”我说，“但是我从没听到过。”看上去，爸爸感到不自在，很不自在。我走近他：“爸，我想听您说您爱我。”他后退了一步，双唇紧闭。他似乎想要说话，然后又摇摇头。“告诉我！”我大声说。“行吧！我爱你！”爸爸终于脱口而出，他的两只手颤抖得像受伤的小鸟。在那一瞬间，我一生中从未见过的情形发生了。他的眼中噙着泪珠，最后潸然泪下。
"Why don't you hire someone to do that for you?"Mom asked Dad one night as she bent over him and rubbed his aching shoulders with a strong smelling liniment."Why don't you hire a cook?"Dad asked,giving her one of his rare smiles.Mom straightened and put her hands on her hips."What's the matter,Ike?Don't you like my cooking?""Sure I like your cooking.But if I could afford a helper,then you could afford a cook."Dad laughed,and for the first time I realized that my father had a sense of humor.The chopping machine wasn't the only hazard in his business.He had an acetylene torch for cutting thick steel plates and beams.To my ears the torch hissed louder than a steam locomotive,and when he used it to cut through steel,it blew off thousands of tiny pieces of molten metal that swarmed around him like angry fireflies.
Many years later,during my first daily visit,after drinking the juice my father had squeezed for me,I walked over,hugged him and said,"I love you,Dad."From then on I did this every morning.My father never told me how he felt about my hugs,and there was never any expression on his face when I gave them.Then one morning,pressed for time,I drank my juice and made for the door.
Dad stepped in front of me and asked,"Well!""Well what?"I asked,knowing exactly what."Well!"he repeated,crossing his arms and looking everywhere but at me.I hugged him extra hard.Now was the right time to say what I'd always wanted to."I'm fifty years old,Dad,and you've never told me you love me."My father stepped away from me.He picked up the empty juice glass,washed it and put it away."You've told other people you love me."I said,"But I've never heard it from you."Dad looked uncomfortable.Very uncomfortable.I moved closer to him."Dad,I want you to tell me you love me."Dad took a step back,his lips pressed together.He seemed about to speak,and then shook his head."Tell me!"I shouted."All right I love you!"Dad finally blurted,his hands fluttering like wounded birds.And in that instant something occurred that I had never seen happen in my life.His eyes glistened,and then overflowed.
我站在他面前，震惊得说不出话来。这么多年后，我的心和脑子终于都了解到——了解到我的父亲如此爱我，以至于在说出他爱我时，居然流下泪来。以前他从不会流泪，更不用说在家人面前流泪。妈妈是对的。在我生命中的每一天，爸爸都在用行动和付出告诉我他有多爱我。“爸爸，我知道，”我说，“我知道。”现在，我终于明白了。
I stood before him,stunned and silent.Finally,after all these years,my heart joined my head in understanding.My father loved me so much that just saying so made him weep,which was something he never,ever wanted to do,least of all in front of family.Mom had been right.Every day of my life Dad had told me how much he loved me by what he did and what he gave."I know,Dad,"I said."I know."And now at last I did.
名人语库
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
~William Shakespeare
聪明的父亲都应该了解他们自己的孩子。
——威廉·莎士比亚
年轻时的阿尔是一个技艺娴熟的画家和陶工。他有一个妻子和两个健壮的儿子。一天晚上，他的大儿子腹痛难忍，但考虑到可能只是一些常见的肠胃不适，阿尔和妻子都没有太在意。但是，事实上男孩患的是急性阑尾炎，那个晚上便夭折了。
如果当时意识到病情的严重性，儿子的死就能够避免。意识到这些，沉重的负罪感使阿尔的精神状况每况愈下。更糟糕的是，不久妻子也离开了他，留下6岁的小儿子与他相依为命。这两件事带来的伤痛让阿尔无法承受，于是他选择了借酒浇愁。不久，阿尔就成了一个酒鬼。
随着酒瘾越来越大，阿尔开始失去他所拥有的一切——他的家、他的农地、他的艺术品，一切的一切。最终，阿尔孤独地死在旧金山的一家汽车旅馆里。
听说了阿尔的死讯，我的反应像世人对未能留下遗产的人的鄙视一样。“多么彻底的失败啊！”我想，“枉度了一生！”
■爱的遗赠 A Legacy of Love
◎Bobbie Gee
As a young man,Al was a skilled artist,a potter.He had a wife and two fine sons.One night,his oldest son developed a severe stomachache.Thinking it was only some common intestinal disorder,neither Al nor his wife took the condition very seriously.But the malady was actually acute appendicitis,and the boy died suddenly that night.
Knowing the death could have been prevented if he had only realized the seriousness of the situation,Al's emotional health deteriorated under the enormous burden of his guilt.To make matters worse his wife left him a short time later,leaving him alone with his six-year-old younger son.The hurt and pain of the two situations were more than Al could handle,and he turned to alcohol to help him cope.In time Al became an alcoholic.
As the alcoholism progressed,Al began to lose everything he possessed—his home,his land,his art objects,everything.Eventually Al died alone in a San Francisco motel room.
When I heard of Al's death,I reacted with the same disdains the world shows for one who ends his life with nothing material to show for it."What a complete failure!"I thought,"What a totally wasted life!"
随着时间的推移，我对自己之前的苛刻判断开始有了新的认识。你不知道，我现在认识了阿尔那个已成年的小儿子，厄尼。他是我见过的最亲切、最善良、最仁爱的人。看着厄尼和他的孩子们，我看到了他们之间自由流动的那种关爱。我知道那种善良和仁爱必定来自某处。
我从未听到厄尼对父亲有太多的谈论。毕竟，为一个酒鬼辩护并不是件容易的事。一天，我鼓起勇气问了他。“有些事我一直感到很疑惑。”我说，“我知道，你几乎是由你父亲独自带大的。他到底是如何教育你的，竟让你变得如此特别？”
厄尼静静地坐在那里，思考了一会儿，然后说：“从我记事起，一直到18岁离家，阿尔每晚都会来我的房间，给我一个吻并说，‘我爱你，儿子。’”
当我意识到自己是多么愚蠢时，我的泪水夺眶而出。我竟然说他是一个失败者！他死后没有留下任何物质方面的遗产，但他是一位慈爱的父亲，他培养出了一个我所见过的最善良、最无私的儿子。
As time went by,I began to reevaluate my earlier harsh judgment.You see,I knew Al's now adult son,Ernie.He is one of the kindest,most caring,most loving men I have ever known.I watched Ernie with his children and saw the free flow of love between them.I knew that kindness and caring had to come from somewhere.
I hadn't heard Ernie talk much about his father.It is so hard to defend an alcoholic.One day I worked up my courage to ask him."I'm really puzzled by something."I said,"I know your father was basically the only one to raise you.What on earth did he do that you became such a special person?"
Ernie sat quietly and reflected for a few moments.Then he said,"From my earliest memories as a child until I left home at 18,Al came into my room every night,gave me a kiss and said,‘I love you,son.’"
Tears came to my eyes as I realized what a fool I had been to judge Al as a failure.He had not left any material possessions behind.But he had been a kind loving father,and he left behind one of the finest,most giving men I have ever known.
名人语库
It doesn't matter who my father was;it matters who I remember he was.
~Anne Sexton
父亲是什么样的人并不重要，重要的是我心目中的父亲是什么样的人。
——安妮·塞克斯顿
鲍勃·理查兹，前撑杆跳世界冠军队成员，一个极其瘦弱但非常热爱橄榄球的男孩，有一个非常感人的故事。
每次球队训练，他都全身心地投入。但由于他的身材不及其他孩子的一半，几乎没有上场的机会。所有比赛他都满怀希望地坐在板凳上，却从来没有上过场。这个十几岁的少年和父亲住在一起，他们俩之间有一种特殊的关系。
即使儿子总是坐在板凳上，他的父亲也总会在看台上为他欢呼。他从没错过一场比赛。当升入高中时，这个年轻人仍然是班里最小的。他的父亲一如既往地鼓励他，同时也对他说明，如果男孩不想再踢球，他不会强迫他。但是，这个男孩非常喜欢踢球，并决定坚持到底。他决心每次训练都要尽全力，也许等成为老队员时，他就会有机会上场。
■父亲的双眸 Father's Eyes
◎Leow Wee Kang
Bob Richards,the former pole-vault champion,shares a moving story about a skinny young boy who loved football with all his heart.
Practice after practice,he eagerly gave everything he had.But being half the size of the other boys,he got absolutely nowhere.At all the games,this hopeful athlete sat on the bench and hardly ever played.This teenager lived alone with his father,and the two of them had a very special relationship.
Even though the son was always on the bench,his father was always standing with cheering.He never missed a game.This young man was still the smallest of the class when he entered high school.But his father continued to encourage him but also made it very clear that he did not have to play football if he didn't want to.But the young man loved football and decided to hang in there.He was determined to try his best at every practice,and perhaps he'd get to play when he became a senior.
All through high school he never missed a practice nor a game but remained a bench-warmer all four years.His faithful father was always in the stands,always with words of encouragement for him.
整个高中4年，他没有错过一堂训练课，也没错过一场比赛，但一直都是“冷板凳”球员。他善良的父亲总是站在看台上，鼓励着他。
当这个年轻人升入大学时，他决定尝试加入足球队，成为一名“替补队员”。所有的人都认为他做不到，但他做到了。教练同意把他留在比赛名单中，因为在每一次训练中，他总是全身心地投入，把全部心灵和灵魂都投入进去，这是其他球员很难做到的。
当听说他没有被球队裁掉的消息时，他激动万分，飞奔到最近的电话亭把这个消息告诉了父亲。父亲和他一同分享着喜悦，并收到了整个赛季的所有门票。在大学4年里，尽管他从未上过场，但这个坚持不懈的年轻运动员没有错过一次训练。
在赛季末，最后一场季后赛前的训练课，当他急匆匆跑进训练场准备参加训练时，教练给了他一张电报。这个年轻人读着电报，陷入了死一般的沉默。
忍受着巨大的悲痛，他咕噜着对教练说：“今天早晨我父亲去世了。今天我可以不参加训练吗？”教练轻抚他的肩膀，说：“孩子，接下来的一周你都可以不用来了。甚至可以不用回来参加周六的比赛。”
周六到了，比赛进展得非常不顺。在第三节，当球队落后10分时，一个安静的年轻人悄悄溜进空荡荡的更衣室里，换上了比赛装备。当他回到场边时，教练和球员都为这个忠实的同伴这么快回来而惊讶万分。“教练，让我上场吧，今天我一切都准备好了。”年轻人说。教练假装没听见，因为他没有任何理由让这个最差的球员参加赛季的收官之战。
但这个年轻人仍然坚持要上场，最后教练也觉得对不住这个孩子，做出了让步。“好吧，”他说，“你可以上场了。”没多长时间，教练、队员和所有的观众都不敢相信自己的眼睛。这个默默无闻的小球员，虽然在此之前从未参加过比赛，却把一切都做得非常完美。对方球员根本阻挡不了他，他的跑动、传球、阻击都像是一位球星。
他的球队开始反击得分，比分很快就被扳平了。在比赛的最后几秒，他截断对方传球，并长途奔袭触地得分，取得了胜利。球迷悬着的心落地了。队友们把他扛在肩膀上。场地中响起一片前所未有的热烈欢呼。
When the young man went to college,he decided to try out for the football team as a"walk-on".Everyone was sure he could never make the cut,but he did.The coach admitted that he kept him on the roster because he always puts his heart and soul to every practice,and at the same time,provided the other members with the spirit and hustle they badly needed.
The news that he had survived the cut thrilled him so much that he rushed to the nearest phone and called his father.His father shared his excitement and was sent season tickets for all the college games.This persistent young athlete never missed practice during his four years at college,but he never got to play in a game.
It was the end of his last football season,and as he trotted onto the practice field shortly before the big playoff game,the coach met him with a telegram.The young man read the telegram and he became deathly silent.
Swallowing hard,he mumbled to the coach,"My father died this morning.Is it all right if I miss practice today?"The coach put his arm gently around his shoulder and said,"Take the rest of the week off,son.And don't even plan to come back to the game on Saturday."
Saturday arrived,and the game was not going well.In the third quarter,when the team was ten points behind,a silent young man quietly slipped into the empty locker room and put on his football gear.As he ran onto the sidelines,the coach and his players were astounded to see their faithful teammate back so soon."Coach,please let me play.I've just got to play today."said the young man.The coach pretended not to hear him.There was no way he wanted the worst player in this close playoff game.
But the young man persisted,and finally feeling sorry for the kid,the coach gave in."All right."he said."You can go in."Before long,the coach,the players and everyone in the stands could not believe their eyes.This little unknown,who had never played before was doing everything right.The opposing team could not stop him.He ran,he passed,blocked like a star.
他看着教练，眼里饱含着泪水，说：“你知道我父亲去世了，但你知道我的父亲是个盲人吗？”这个年轻人忍着悲伤，迫使自己微笑着说：“我的父亲每场比赛都来看，但今天是他第一次能看到我真正上场比赛，我也想用我的行动向他证明，我可以做到！”
His team began to triumph.The score was soon tied.In the closing seconds of the game,this kid intercepted a pass and ran all the way for the winning touchdown.The fans broke loose.His teammates hoisted him onto their shoulders.Such cheering you never heard.
He looked at the coach,with tears in his eyes,and said,"Well,you knew my dad died,but did you know that my dad was blind?"The young man swallowed hard and forced a smile,"Dad came to all my games,but today was the first time he could see me play,and I wanted to show him I could do it!"
名人语库
One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.
~English Proverb
一个父亲比一百个校长还顶用。
——英国谚语
我9岁那年，父亲第一次送花给我。当时，我加入学校踢踏舞班才6个月，正逢学校举办一年一度的演出。我只能加入新学员合唱队，却依然兴致勃勃。不过我清楚，自己只是个不起眼的小角色。
令人惊喜的是，演出一结束，我竟被叫到前台，双手捧着一束枝繁叶茂的红玫瑰，与主舞的演员站在一起。我至今还感到自己像是站在舞台上，双颊绯红。我越过绚丽的脚灯光线向下张望，看见父亲的笑脸。他一面使劲地鼓掌，一面快活地笑着。
这束鲜花是第一束，往后，每逢我人生的一个里程碑，父亲都要送我一大束鲜花。可我的心情总是有些矛盾：既高兴，又有些尴尬。我喜爱鲜花，可又为这种奢侈而不安。
父亲却从不会觉得不安。他做什么事都特别大方。如果你让他去面包房买一块蛋糕，他一定会买回来三块。一次，母亲对他说我需要一件新的派对礼服，他竟买回来一打。
他的做法总是让我们没钱再去添置其他更需要的东西。那次礼服事件后，家里就再也没钱去买我真正急需的冬大衣——或者我一直向往的新溜冰鞋。
■爱如鲜花盛开 Love in Bloom
◎Judy Coulter
I was nine when my father first sent me flowers.I had been taking tap-dancing lessons for six months,and the school was giving its yearly recital.As an excited member of the beginners'chorus line,I was aware of my lowly status.
So it was a surprise to have my name called out at the end of the show along with the lead dancers and to find my arms full of long-stemmed red roses.I can still feel myself standing on that stage,blushing furiously and gazing over the footlights to see my father's grin as he applauded loudly.
Those roses were the first in a series of large bouquets that accompanied all the milestones in my life.They brought a sense of embarrassment.I enjoyed them,but was flustered by the extravagance.
Not my father.He did everything in a big way.If you sent him to the bakery for a cake,he came back with three.Once,when Mother told him I needed a new party dress,he brought home a dozen.
His behavior often left us without funds for other more important things.After the dress incident,there was no money for the winter coat I really needed—or the new ice skates I wanted.
有时我会为这些事跟父亲赌气，但时间都不会长。他照例会买些礼物与我和好。这些礼物如此真切地传达着他不善用言辞表达的爱。这时，我便会搂住他，亲吻他——这亲昵的行为，无疑会使他再度大方。
之后迎来了我的16岁生日，可这并不是个快乐的时刻。我长得很胖，还没有男朋友。好心的父母为我准备了生日晚会，这更让我觉得痛苦。我走进餐厅，看见餐桌上的生日蛋糕旁边摆着很大一束鲜花，比以往的任何一束都要大。
我真想躲起来。现在谁都会以为我没有男朋友送花，只好由父亲来送了。16岁该是最美好的年纪，而我却只想哭。或许当时我的确哭了，但我最好的朋友菲利斯，在我耳边小声说：“嘿，孩子，你有这样的父亲可真幸运。”
随着光阴的流逝，许多特别的日子——生日、演出、获奖、毕业——都伴有父亲的鲜花。我的心情也依然在快乐与尴尬之间徘徊不定。
可自从我大学毕业以后，那种矛盾的心情便消失了。我开始了新的事业，也订了婚。父亲的鲜花代表了他的骄傲和我的胜利。这些鲜花带来的只有极大的喜悦。
后来，每逢感恩节，我们都会收到父亲的一捧黄灿灿的菊花；圣诞节会有一大束粉红的一品红；复活节是洁白的百合花；生日里会有天鹅绒般的红玫瑰；孩子出世或逢乔迁之喜，父亲会送来那个季节里盛开的许多种鲜花混合扎成的花束。
随着我不断地功成名就，父亲日渐衰老，但他依然坚持给我送花，直到他70岁生日的前几个月，因心脏病发作而猝然逝去。我在他的棺木上铺满了我所能寻得的最大的红玫瑰，而且，没有一丝窘迫。
在以后的十几年里，我常常有一股冲动，想去买一大束鲜花装点起居室，可我始终没去。我知道，即便买来，花已不是从前的花了。
Sometimes I would be angry with him,but not for long.Inevitably he would buy me something to make up with me.The gift was so apparently an offering of love he could not verbalize that I would throw my arms around him and kiss him—an act that undoubtedly perpetuated his behavior.
Then came my 16th birthday.It was not a happy occasion.I was fat and had no boyfriend.And my well-meaning parents furthered my misery by giving me a party.As I entered the dining room,there on the table next to my cake was a huge bouquet of flowers,bigger than any before.
I wanted to hide.Now everyone would think my father had sent flowers because I had no boyfriend to do it.Sweet 16,and I felt like crying.I probably would have,but my best friend,Phyllis,whispered,"Boy,you're lucky to have a father like that."
As the years passed,other occasion—birthdays,recitals,awards,graduations—were marked with Dad's flowers.My emotions continued to seesaw between pleasure and embarrassment."
When I graduated from college,though,my days of ambivalence were over.I was embarking on a new career and was engaged to be married.Dad's flowers symbolized his pride,and my triumph.They evoked only great pleasure.
Now there were bright-orange mums for Thanksgiving and a huge pink poinsettia at Christmas.White lilies at Easter,and velvety red roses for birthdays.Seasonal flowers in mixed bouquets celebrated the births of my children and the move to our first house.
As my fortunes grew,my father's waned,but his gifts of flowers continued until he died of a heart attack a few months before his 70th birthday.Without embarrassment,I covered his coffin with the largest,reddest roses I could find.
后来我生日的一天，我听见门铃响了。那天，我本来很沮丧，因为只有我一个人待在家中。丈夫打高尔夫球去了，两个女儿出远门了，13岁的儿子马特也走得格外早，只道了声“再见”，只字未提我的生日。所以，当我开门看见马特胖胖的身体站在门外时，有几分惊讶。“忘带钥匙了，”他耸耸肩，说道，“也忘了今天是你的生日。嗯，我希望你喜欢这些鲜花，妈妈。”说着，他从身后抽出一束雏菊来。
“哦，马特，”我大叫一声，紧紧搂住他，“我爱鲜花！”
Often in the dozen years since,I felt an urge to go out and buy a big bouquet to fill the living room,but I never did.I knew it would not be the same.
Then one birthday,the doorbell rang.I was feeling blue because I was alone.My husband was playing golf,and my two daughters were away.My 13-year-old son,Matt,had run out earlier with a"see you later",never mentioning my birthday.So I was surprised to see his large frame at the door."Forgot my key."he said,shrugging."Forgot your birthday too.Well,I hope you like flowers,Mum."He pulled a bunch of daisies from behind his back.
"Oh,Matt,"I cried,hugging him hard,"I love flowers!"
名人语库
To be a successful father...there's one absolute rule:When you have a kid,don't look at it for the first two years.
~Ernest Hemingway
作为一个成功的父亲……有一个绝对遵守的原则：当你有了小孩的时候，头两年里不要给他们太大的压力。
——欧内斯特·海明威
亲爱的爸爸：
今天我在商场购物的时候，花了好长时间阅读有关“父亲节”的贺卡。那些卡片上的文字很特别，也或多或少地表达出了我对您的感受。我挑选着读过一次后，又挑选读了一遍，这才意识到，我想对您说的话，并不是一张贺卡就能表达出来的。
爸爸，很快您就要84岁了，您和我也将度过这第55个“父亲节”。“父亲节”的那天，我总是不能和您在一起，连您过生日的时候我也是这样。但这并不是因为我不想陪在您身边。其实，在我心里，我总是和您在一起。不过，有的时候，生活也会有差错。
爸爸，您也知道，曾有一段时间，我们父女俩因为代沟不在一起生活，比如年龄、个人阅历、观点、发型、化妆品、服装、音乐、作息时间以及男朋友，因为这些，我们的观点也非常对立。您站在“大分离”的一端，我站在“大分离”的另一端。
■爸爸，父亲节快乐 Happy Father's Day,Dad
◎Lynne Wisman
Dear Dad,
Today I was at the shopping mall and I spent a lot of time reading the Father's Day cards.They all had a special message that in some way or another reflected how I feel about you.Yet as I selected and read,and selected and read again,it occurred to me that not a single card said what I really want to say to you.
You'll soon be 84 years old,Dad,and you and I will have had 55 Father's Days together.I haven't always been with you on Father's Day nor have I been with you for all of your birthdays.It wasn't because I didn't want to be with you.I've always been with you in my heart but sometimes life gets in the way.
You know,Dad,there was a time when we were not only separated by the generation gap but completely polarized by it.You stood on one side of the Great Divide and I on the other,father and daughter split apart by age and experience,opinions,hairstyles,cosmetics[26],clothing,music,curfews,and boys.
那时，您教我学开那部道奇旧车，可我却不管您喜不喜欢，执意要开雪佛兰54那辆车。当时，我们父女俩关于雪佛兰汽车的争执也调到了最高挡。可那天晚上，您却报警说雪佛兰车被盗。之后，一位警官护送我回家，可他太年轻了，根本不明白我们父女俩之间的政治斗争，但他也不小了，对一个16岁的流鼻涕的小孩没有足够的宽容心。爸爸，您对这件事倒是处理得很体面，可我觉得那是我一生中最糟糕的一个夜晚。
在我嫁给了一个您喜欢的女婿后，我们俩的关系才缓和了很多。后来，我和您的女婿为了好好生个孩子，就转身离开了，我们之间的那些事情也就结束了。您也知道，我和您的女婿没有电视机，只能自娱自乐。我不知道，作为外公外婆的您和妈妈还有什么可期待的，但是，没过多久我就找到了答案。过去那些孩子崇拜您，现在他们还像以前那样爱慕您。当我看见您和您的外孙在一起的时候，我知道您已经给了他们最好的礼物，您把心都掏给了他们。
就是这样，我们之间的代沟慢慢消失了。现在，年龄和其他问题的差异把您和我分开，可我们在大多数事情上的看法都是一样的，这可能是因为我们明白了没什么值得争辩吧。无论如何，我想提示一下，爸爸，飞蝇钓鱼是您最喜欢的一种钓法，关于手腕动作和站姿您爱怎么说就怎么说，以及那些没用的话……
爸爸，虽然我已经漂泊了很多年，但我很快乐。然而，我发现您没有变老。
随着年龄的增长，我认为我们之间的关系慢慢地融洽了很多，像一瓶美酒，越陈越香。家人看起来好像没有一点意义似的。但是，上周发生了一件最不寻常的事情。我站在停车标志旁，看见您开着车要拐弯。可我并没有立刻反应过来那是您，因为那个男人开着车，又在那部大车的车轮后面，就显得他岁数很大、身体也很虚弱的样子。可我却感到，仿佛从哪儿飞来一记耳光重重地打在我脸上。也许，那是我第一次“看见”您的年龄。也许，只有我自己看见罢了。
The Father-Daughter Duel of"54 shifted into high gear when you taught me to drive the old Dodge and I decided I would drive the"54 Chevy whether you liked it or not.The police officer who escorted[27]me home after you reported the Chevy stolen late one evening was too young to understand father-daughter politics and too old to have much tolerance for a snotty 16 year old.You were so decent about it,Dad,and I think that was probably what made it the worst night of my life.
Our relationship improved immensely when I married a man you liked,and things really turned around when we begin making babies right and left.We didn't have a television set,you know,and we had to entertain ourselves somehow.I didn't know what to expect of you and Mom as grandparents but I didn't have to wait long to find out.Those babies adored you then just as they adore you now.When I see you with all your grandchildren,I know you've given them the finest gift a grandparent can give.You've given them yourself.
Somewhere along the line,the generation gap evaporated[28].Age separates us now and little else.We agree on most everything,perhaps because we've learned there isn't much worth disagreeing about.However,I would like to mention that fly fishing isn't all you've cracked it up to be,Dad.You can say what you want about wrist action and stance and blah,blah,blah...
I've been happily drifting for a lot of years,Dad,and I didn't see you getting older.
I suppose I saw us and our relationship as aging together,rather like a fine wine.Numbers never seemed important.But the oddest thing happened last week.I was at a stop sign and I watched as you turned the corner in your car.It didn't immediately occur to me that it was you because the man driving looked so elderly and fragile behind the wheel of that huge car.It was rather like a slap in the face delivered from out of nowhere.Perhaps I saw your age for the first time that day.Or maybe I saw my own.
50年前的一个春天，我们在艾奥瓦州查尔斯市的一个花园里，一起栽下苤蓝菜。
当时我并不知道，我一辈子也不会忘记那一天。这一周，我们还要在一起栽苤蓝菜，这是第二次。也许这是最后一次，可我并不希望那样。我不明白为什么和您一起栽苤蓝菜让我感到很有意义，但对我来说实在是太重要了。而且，有意思的地方是，我不知道该怎么和您说这事，爸爸……我甚至不喜欢苤蓝菜……但是，我喜欢和您一起栽苤蓝菜的感觉。
爸爸，我想，我要说的话，就是每个做儿女的今天想要和他们的爸爸说的话。过“父亲节”，尊重一位父亲，绝不仅仅是因为爸爸给家里挣多少钱、和家人一起共进晚餐、参加学校活动、参加毕业典礼和婚礼的原因，也不止是一起栽苤蓝菜、开雪佛兰54车和飞蝇钓鱼的事，也不止是您无条件地爱那些流鼻涕又很淘气，而且什么都懂，就是不听话的孩子。这就是尊重对方、分享快乐、接纳和宽容、给予和接受吧。爱一个人是言语表达不了的，希望这些永不终止，从未结束。
我也爱您，爸爸。
Fifty years ago this spring we planted kohlrabi together in a garden in Charles City,Iowa.
I didn't know then that I would remember that day for the rest of my life.This week,we'll plant kohlrabi together again,perhaps for the last time but I hope not.I don't understand why planting kohlrabi with you is so important to me but it is.And the funny thing about it is,well,I don't know quite how to tell you this,Dad...I don't even like kohlrabi...but I like planting it with you.
I guess what I'm trying to say,Dad,is what every son and daughter wants to say to their Dad today.Honoring a Father on Father's Day is about more than a Dad who brings home a paycheck,shares a dinner table,and attends school functions,graduations,and weddings.It isn't even so much about kohlrabi,"54 Chevrolets,and fly-fishing.It's more about unconditionally loving children who are snotty and stubborn,who know everything and won't listen to anyone.It's about respect and sharing and acceptance and tolerance and giving and taking.It's about loving someone more than words can say and it's wishing that it never had to end.
I love you,Dad.
名人语库
Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!
~Lydia M.Child
幸福，事实上就是一个男人听到许多温柔的声音叫他爸爸！
——莉迪亚
1989年，一场6.9级的地震几乎铲平美国，在短短不到4分钟的时间里，夺去了270余人的生命！
在彻底的破坏与混乱之中，有位父亲将他的妻子安顿在家后，跑到他儿子就读的学校，却发现这所学校已经被夷为平地。
看到这令人震惊的一幕，他想起了曾经对儿子做出的承诺：“不论发生什么事，我都会在你身边。”至此，父亲热泪盈眶。目睹曾经的学校成为一堆废墟，真叫人绝望。但父亲的脑中仍然牢记着他对儿子的诺言。
他开始努力回忆每天早上送儿子上学的必经之路，终于记起儿子的教室应该就在那幢建筑物后面，位于右边的角落里。他急急忙忙地跑到那儿，开始在废墟中挖掘。
当这位父亲正在挖掘时，其他束手无策的学生家长赶到现场，揪心地叫着：“我的儿子呀！”“我的女儿呀！”一些善意的家长试图把这位父亲拉开，告诉他：“一切都太迟了！他们全死了！这样做没用的！回家去吧，面对现实，你也无能为力啊！”
■我永远都在你身边 I'll Always Be There for You
◎Jim Burns
In 1989 an 6.9 earthquake almost flattened America,killing over 270 people in less than four minutes.
In the midst of utter devastation and chaos[29],a father left his wife safely at home and rushed to the school where his son was supposed to be,only to discover that the building was as flat as a pancake.
After the unforgettably initial shock,he remembered the promise he had made to his son:"No matter what,I'll always be there for you!"And tears began to fill his eyes.As he looked at the pile of ruins that once was the school,it looked hopeless,but he kept remembering his commitment to his son.
He began to direct his attention towards where he walked his son to class at school each morning.Remembering his son's classroom would be in the back right corner of the building,he rushed there and started digging through the ruins.
面对种种劝告，这位父亲的回答只有一句话：“你们愿意帮我吗？”然后继续进行挖掘工作，在废墟中寻找他的儿子，一块石头也不放过。
消防队长出现了，他也试图把这位父亲劝走，对他说：“火灾频现，四处都在发生爆炸，你在这里太危险了。这边的事我们会处理，你回家吧！”对此，这位慈爱关切的父亲仍然回答：“你们愿意帮我吗？”
警察赶到现场，对他说：“你现在又气又急，该结束了，你在危及他人，回家吧！我们会处理的！”这位父亲依旧回答：“你们愿意帮我吗？”然而，人们无动于衷。
为了弄清楚儿子是死是活，这位父亲鼓起勇气，独自一人继续进行他的工作。
他挖掘了8小时，12小时，24小时，36小时，38小时后，父亲推开了一块巨大的石头，听到了儿子的声音。父亲尖叫着：“阿曼德！”他听到了儿子的回音：“爸爸吗？是我，爸爸！我告诉其他的小朋友不要担心。我告诉他们，如果你活着，你会来救我的。如果我获救了，他们也就获救了。你答应过我，不论发生什么，你永远都会在我的身边。你做到了，爸爸！”
“你那里的情况怎样了？”父亲问。
“我们有33个，只有14个活着。爸爸，我们好害怕，又渴又饿，谢天谢地，你在这儿。教室倒塌时，刚好形成一个三角形的洞，救了我们。”
As he was digging,other helpless parents arrived,clutching[30]their hearts,saying:"My son!""My daughter!"Other well-meaning parents tried to pull him off what was left of the school,saying:"It's too late!They're all dead!You can't help!Go home!Come on,face reality,there's nothing you can do!"
To each parent he responded with one line:"Are you going to help me now?"And then he continued to dig for his son,stone by stone.
The fire chief showed up and tried to pull him off the school's ruins saying,"Fires are breaking out,explosions are happening everywhere.You're in danger.We'll take care of it.Go home."To which this loving,caring American father asked,"Are you going to help me now?"
The police came and said,"You're angry,anxious and it's over.You're endangering others.Go home.We'll handle it!"To which he replied,"Are you going to help me now?"No one helped.
Courageously he went on alone because he needed to know for himself,"Is my boy alive or is he dead?"
He dug for 8 hours,12 hours,24 hours,36 hours,then,in the 38th hour,he pulled back a large stone and heard his son's voice.He screamed his son's name,"Armand!"He heard back,"Dad?It's me,Dad!I told the other kids not to worry.I told them that if you were alive,you'd save me and when you saved me,they'd be saved.You promised,No matter what happens,I'll always be there for you!You did it,Dad!"
“快出来吧，孩子！”
“不，爸爸！让其他小朋友先出来吧！因为我知道你会接我的！不管发生什么事，我知道你永远都会来到我的身边！”
"What's going on in there?How is it?"the father asked.
"There are 14 of us left out of 33,Dad.We're scared,hungry,thirsty and thankful you're here.When the building collapsed[31],it made a triangle,and it saved us."
"Come out,boy!"
"No,Dad!Let the other kids out first,because I know you'll get me!No matter what happens,I know you'll always be there for me!"
美丽语录
A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.
我们知道，当一个人慢慢长大成人的时候，他开始慢慢变得像他的父亲。
很多年前，一个男婴来到了这个世界。但遗憾的是，他没有“呱呱落地”，从医学角度来说，这是一个很大的问题！好在医生当时反应很快，也很强悍，一下子把男婴倒提起来，对着屁股一阵狂打。男婴终于哭了，脱离了生命危险。在那一刻，父亲对着医生吼道：“你为什么打我的孩子啊？”他并没有意识到医生救了这孩子的命。男婴不停地哭闹着，这位父亲面带微笑，默默地流着幸福的眼泪。他把婴儿紧紧地抱在怀里，再也没有让医生碰一下。
大会主持人，女士们先生们，那个婴儿就是我，那个男人就是我的老爸。每当妈妈告诉别人这个故事时，我总会放声大笑，而老爸则一边摇头一边默默微笑。
在我很小的时候，老爸从来不抱我，也从来不亲吻我。当然，他也从来不说“我爱你”这三个字。也许这是中国文化的问题，也许老爸就是这种人。但每当我受挫、伤心或孤独无助时，老爸总会在那里。他的话不多，但我总喜欢有什么话都对他说，我总能感到和他之间那种无法言喻的特殊关系。
等大一些的时候，我疯狂地爱上了一个女孩子。她又高又漂亮，还有一头长发。有一天，我终于忍不住了，走到她面前脱口而出：“亲爱的，你太漂亮了！我太爱你了！请你做我的老婆吧！”没想到她吓坏了，抹着眼泪跑开了，然后就告诉了老师。老师很生气，放学后没让我回家，并给老爸打电话，让他过来领人。我的初恋就这样夭折了，那年我7岁。
■无言的父爱 Silent Love from a Quiet Dad
◎Adam
Many years ago,a baby boy came into this world.But unfortunately,he didn't come with a cry,which was a big problem from the medical point of view.The doctor,tough and quick,turned the baby upside down and slapped his bottom sharply.The baby cried,and he survived.At that moment,the father yelled at the doctor,"Why did you hit my baby?"He did not realize that the doctor had saved the baby's life.The baby cried and cried,and the father smiled and silently cried as well.He held the baby in his arms and did not allow the doctor to touch the baby anymore.
Contest chair,ladies and gentlemen,that baby was me,and that man was my dad.Whenever my mom told people this story,I would always laugh aloud,and my dad would just shake his head and smile quietly.
Dad never tried to hug or kiss me when I was a child.And of course,he never said"I love you"to me,either.Maybe it's a Chinese cultural thing,or maybe that's the way my dad was.But whenever I felt defeated[32],sad or lonely,dad was always there.Dad was a man of few words,but I always liked to talk to him,and I could always feel a very special connection to him.
回家的路上，老爸非常沉默，好像什么事都没发生。最后，我打破沉默，问道：“爸爸，我做错什么了吗？”和往常一样，老爸沉默了一下，平静地说道：“儿子，你没做错什么，只是你这个年龄追女孩子还太早。”“爸爸，你觉得我长大以后，能娶一个又高又漂亮、头发很长的老婆吗？”我又问道。老爸听了，难得地大笑了一声，说：“当然能了！你那么帅！跟你老爸一样帅！”我第一次感觉到，老爸虽然话不多，但还是有幽默感的。
等我上高中的时候，老爸退休了，在离我学校不远的街边摆起了面摊儿。老爸很擅长做炒面，当时很多人都很喜欢他做的面。每天放学回家，我和同学们都要路过老爸的面摊。但那时候，我真的不喜欢站在小吃摊前和他说话，因为我不想让同学们知道，我有一个在大街上摆摊卖面条的老爸。
一天晚上，我再也忍不住了，朝老爸吼道：“爸爸，你能不能不再去卖面条？我不需要一个在大街上卖面条的父亲！”在那一刻，老爸惊呆了。他想要说点什么，但最终什么也没说。当他扭过头的时候，发生了一件事，我还从来没有见过这样的情形，我想我一辈子也不会忘记。他的眼里充满了泪水和哀伤。这是我第一次看到老爸流泪。后来妈妈告诉我，老爸摆摊卖面条是在为我上大学攒学费。我简直就是个白痴！即使到了今天，我仍然为那天晚上的所作所为感到内疚。
时间飞逝，大学毕业后我就离开了家乡。在过去的10年中，每当我回老家时，老爸总会默默地在火车站接我，之后再送我。每当他在车站送我时，他从来不会拥抱我，也从来不碰我一下，虽然我总是期待他能抱我一下。当我远在他乡时，老爸从来不写信给我，也从来不给我打电话。但他总会催妈妈给我打电话。每当妈妈给我打电话时，老爸就会坐在她身边，准备好一系列问题，然后让妈妈帮他传话。老爸就是这样，这就是他表达爱的方式。
As I got older,I had a huge crush on a girl.She was tall and beautiful,with long hair.One day,I walked up to her and blurted out,"You are so beautiful baby.I love you so much.Please be my wife!"She was afraid and ran away with tears in her eyes.She told my teacher,and my teacher was so angry that she made me stay after school,and called my dad to take me home.My first love was over,and that year I was 7 years old.
On the way home,dad was very quiet.It seemed that nothing had happened.Finally I broke the silence and asked him,"Daddy,did I do something wrong?"Dad paused for a while as he always did and said quietly,"Son,you did nothing wrong,except that it's too early for you to pursue[33]girls.""Daddy,do you think I could marry a tall and beautiful girl with long hair when I grow up?"I asked.Dad gave me one of his rare laughs and said,"Of course you could.You are so handsome!Just like your handsome father."For the first time,I realized that dad had a sense of humor,although he was always quiet.
When I was in high school,dad retired and set up a food stand on the street near my school.Dad was very good at making fried noodles,and a lot of people liked his noodles.Every day when I finished school,my classmates and I would pass his food stand.But I really hated talking to dad in front of his food stand,because I did not want my classmates to know that my dad was selling noodles on the street!
3年前我结婚了，老爸很为我感到高兴。现在他喜欢告诉别人，他的儿媳妇又高又漂亮，还留着一头长发。
老爸还是话不多，但我仍能感觉到和他之间那种特殊的密切关系。女士们，先生们，当这种关系变得如此深厚、如此强烈时，它会根植于某处，再也无法用语言表达；它会变成一种特殊的情感——“无言的父爱”。
One night,I couldn't stand it any more and shouted,"Dad,could you stop selling your stupid noodles?I don't need a father who sells noodles on the street!"At that moment,dad was shocked.He tried to say something but he didn't.When he turned his head away,something happened that I had never seen and would never forget for the rest of my life.His eyes were filled with tears and sadness.It was the first time that I saw dad crying.My mom later told me that dad was selling noodles to save money for my college education.I was such an idiot,and even today I still feel guilty for that night.
Time really flies.I finished college and then left my home city.For the past ten years,whenever I've visited home,dad was always there meeting me and seeing me off quietly at the railway station.Whenever he saw me off,he never tried to hug me or touch me,although I always expected a father's hug.When I was away from home,dad never wrote or called me,but he always pushed my mom to call me.Whenever mom was calling me,dad would sit beside her with a list of questions.He would instruct mom to talk to me for him.That's the way dad is,and that's how dad shows his love to me.
I was married three years ago.Dad was very happy for me.And now he likes to tell people that his daughter-in-law is tall and beautiful,with long hair.
Dad is still quiet,but I still feel a connection.Ladies and gentlemen,when a connection is deep and powerful,it lives in a place far beyond words,and it becomes something special—"a silent father's love".
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