Eva's eyes met those of a radiant and impish looking Beth, who had recently divorced the Brigadier Bursar and was now dividing her time between London, Spain and the Cotswolds. Beth wore a beaming smile and an arch stare. She looked tanned.
"You look as though you could do with a drink!" she declared confidently. "Let me kidnap you and take you to the Falconer's Arms."
"Do they do food?" asked Monica, "I'm starving!"
"What was all that racket going on near the entrance just now?" Eva asked, thinking aloud as they sat down in a corner of the pub. "Surely this is exam time, isn't it?" She looked across the table at Beth, who responded with a facetious grin indicating a feigned contempt at Eva's naïveté.
"Now really Eva," she cajoled. "Surely you can't imagine that we would let a little thing like exams interfere with our beloved Agenda?" Beth smiled an acid smile.
"Oh God," thought Eva. "I've hardly been here a couple of hours and I can already feel the lunacy returning."
"I seem to have dropped a stitch somewhere," she said out loud. "I thought that with the change of management….."
"Now come along Eva," interrupted Beth. "You know better than that!"
Following a series of managerial mishaps and peccadilloes the previous year, there had been a reshuffling over the last summer holidays, at the governors' instigation. Barbara Styles had returned in September to find her job a castrated version of her former one. Where she had once reigned supreme with her Bursar, now irretrievably fallen from grace, she found herself in a roughly chiselled and rather constrained management niche still described as 'head of senior school', but under a new Chief Executive Officer, Brian Pollard. Bizarrely, his job seemed to consist of acting as corporate predator while posing as knight in shining armour. As far as she could see, he was being paid a dizzying salary to bleed the school dry, while purporting to 'eliminate the competition'. This exorbitantly expensive process was apparently being achieved with a series of PR stunts such as the one Eva had just witnessed today, where a multischool sports event was being held literally within shouting distance of the examinations hall during the peak examination season.
"The examination results aren't going to do the school's profile much good if this goes on much longer!" frowned Eva. "I thought last year's results were bad enough!"
"Yes," said Carol, "we certainly seem to be pushing back the boundaries of corporate lunacy here at Ransom's!
"And it gets better," she went on. "Now that our Director of Studies has retired and not been replaced, Pollard has made himself responsible for departmental budgets. They're being axed right, left and centre."
"We call it pollarding!" giggled Monica with a mischievous glint.
"But Pollard doesn't know the first thing about curriculum management or departmental budgeting!"
"Now now Eva, you're thinking rationally and professionally again! Stop it at once!" teased Carol.
"And anyway, you still haven't heard the best of it," she added with a theatrical raising of eyebrows.
Eva looked up. "What?" she said.
Carol grinned, pouring some more Chablis from a freshly opened bottle.
"You remember all that noise and chaos near the examination hall, with all those students running riot in sports gear?"
"Yes," said Eva.
"Well guess who walked into the middle of it all?"
Eva's eyebrows sped up to her hairline in anticipation.
"The inspector from the examinations board!" announced Carol triumphantly.
"OH NO!"
"Oh yes!" said Carol.
Eva's face opened into a widening beam of vintage Ransom's Schadenfreude:
"So underneath all that noise and rumpus, if you listened very carefully, you could hear the gentle thud of faeces hitting the rotary blades?" Eva volunteered.
"Exactly!" said Carol, finishing off her third glass of Chablis with a victorious quaff.
Having lunched generously on good pub food, served with indecent amounts of Chablis and followed by what may have been the longest coffee break in educational history, Eva, Carol and Monica found themselves being driven by the nobly alcohol free Beth in the dark to a thatched cottage in a nearby village. Parking deftly in the tight driveway, Beth sprang out of the car and opened the front door for the three women.
"What a lovely place!" exclaimed Monica.
With every intention of catching up on lost time, Beth opened an enormous fridge and took out a bottle of vintage Cava, taking some glasses down from a cupboard and popping the cork expertly.
"Oh, yes, it is," said Beth, focusing her attention on pouring four glasses without spilling anything.
"But I thought you lived in London now," said Eva.
"I do," said Beth, placing the empty Cava bottle beside the kitchen bin, "I've just brought you here for the party."
"What party?" asked several voices in unison.
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