—Victor Hugo
One morning in August my doorbell rang. I answered the door and was greeted by a deliveryman holding the most breathtaking floral arrangement. I was sure he was at the wrong house, but much to my surprise he said, "Delivery for Mrs. Leigh Anne Tuohy."
"Oh my, that's me!"
The card read: The first gift of birthday week, Love Sean.
Wow… a birthday week. I liked the sound of that!
Each morning that week, I awoke to find another gift left by the birthday fairy who apparently came sometime during the night. These kind gestures by the big ol' birthday fairy who sleeps next to me each night helped to ease the pain of turning another year older. It also helped me realize that while growing old is inevitable, how I face it is something within my control. I can moan and groan myself into the grave or I can be grateful that I am still here. So I have decided I can be great at any age!
That brings me to something I've noticed lately—this phrase "older American." What does that actually mean? Seriously, I see that term used more and more often and it makes me laugh. My mom is in her early seventies, and I never categorized her as an "older American." When I flipped through some definitions of the words "old" and "older," the answers I found amused me: far advanced in years of life, made long ago, mature, belonging to a remote or former period of history, having become slower in flow, exhibiting the effects of time… and let's not leave out the fact it also suggests frailness or infirmity.
We might as well just use the word antique or relic because all those descriptions sound more like they're referring to a piece of outdated furniture, not a human being. It reminds me of an article I read in the paper about an older American, an 86-year-old man in Detroit, who was carjacked as he was pumping gas. Apparently, his leg was broken in the carjacking, and he was trying to get into the station for help. The video surveillance cameras literally show people passing him as he crawled to get help. Crawled! That is unimaginable to me. How pathetic that not a soul came to this man's aid.
Our whole nation should be appalled at a situation like this. We hear about these nightmare incidents far too often, and they involve these "older Americans" who have invested their lives to make this country what it is today. I just can't get my arms around it. This man was a WWII veteran. He fought for our country so we could have the freedoms we have today, but when he needed help, he didn't get any. People just walked right by him. This man is a National Treasure, not simply an older American! I think the people who ignored him committed a crime as heinous as those who carjacked him.
This is just one example of how we invest so little in our country's true treasures—the people who are over a certain age. Shouldn't we take an insurance policy out on them like we do other valuable things? Our seniors have vast amounts of knowledge; they have history in their heads. They have been there, done that, and lived to tell about it. They possess amazing amounts of wisdom which could benefit the next generation. Most people honestly have no idea just how interesting an older person can be.
Many people in our society expect the "older Americans" to shut it down once they reach a certain mile marker. News flash: that's not happening with this broad! I have friends in my life who, when I grow up, I want to be just like them. Ed Victor is one person who immediately comes to mind. He is my fabulous book editor. He will have dinner in Hong Kong and the next day be backstage here in the States with the band U2. I'm not sure of Ed's age, but his mother-in-law just turned 108!
I guess it just strikes a chord with me that there are many people who society deems less valuable because they are older. To me they are National Treasures.
The time I spend with my mother makes me really realize that she, too, is a treasure. She is always just as entertaining as any younger companion could have been. Plus she is a better cook than many of my friends! I can remember late one afternoon, Mom and I had been going at it most of the day with virtually no food and water. She paused, looked at me and said, "I'm so hungry that my stomach thinks my throat's been cut." Before I could respond she added, "Yes, that is an old saying, but don't you dare categorize me as old." Later as we were leaving the restaurant parking lot after dinner, a couple with a few years on my mom pulled out in front of our car. Mom exclaimed, "People should not be allowed to drive when they get that old." I looked at her and said, "Mom, they are not that old," hoping to make her feel like a spring chicken, but she put me in my place quickly, coming right back with "They are as old as dirt." (I've never really considered the age of dirt, but according to my mom it is old.) Anyway, the couple, apparently Snowbirds, were enjoying life to the fullest.
Oh, I should probably mention that I do consider my husband old because at least once a week someone says to him, "Oh, you are that old point guard from Ole Miss." I tell him he is a dinosaur! He tells me the best is yet to come. I like that very much. He's definitely one of my treasures.
Let me tell you something… DO NOT ever regret growing old. I'm certainly not going to. I believe growing older is a privilege that so many people never get to experience. We need to adjust our way of thinking about getting old and all that we can do with the new opportunities available to us. I could make you a long list of people I know and love who are over sixty-five and are generous, loving, trustworthy, helpful… and they are anything but antiques! And just because a person reaches an advanced age doesn't mean she can't use the Internet, own an iPhone, download music, go to Yoga, find a "friend" on Match.com or take a continuing education class.
We should never be embarrassed about our age. We shouldn't consider ourselves unimportant. We are all useful until we make the call not to be. There are two sides to this equation: One, we need to make sure that when we see a person who is a little more seasoned than we are, we should seek their advice, help them plug into meaningful moments, and make sure they have access to help and security. On the other side, if you are the person who is seasoned, then don't be stubborn. Ask for help. Reach out to people around you. Refuse to fade into the woodwork. There's lots you can do to continue being useful. Many people so desperately need your help.
Novelist Victor Hugo once said, "Winter is on my head, but eternal spring is in my heart." Our age should never stop us from continuing to live a life that inspires a spirit of charity and community service. At any and all ages, we have the chance to look for new opportunities, meet new friends, visit old friends, smell the flowers, find out how something works, and most importantly, try not to take ourselves too seriously!
I look to people who are inspiring in their senior years. For example, at age 89, Frank Lloyd Wright completed the Guggenheim Museum. At age 99, golfer Otto Bucher carded a hole-in-one on the 130-yard twelfth hole at Spain's La Manga golf course. They remind me that just because I hit a particular age, it doesn't mean I have to stop having parade-worthy moments. Each birthday doesn't have to keep me from something I want to achieve. Or, as T.S. Eliot put it, "It's never too late to be what you might have been."
There's no magic pill to make us immortal, sad but true. And, of course, growing older creates some limitations, but advancing in years shouldn't be viewed as some kind of imprisonment. I realize we have no control over the aging process, but we can control how we spend the rest of our lives. We were all made for something far greater than watching cable news in the La-Z-Boy and collecting shells on the beach. Also, it's a waste of time to spend our days thinking "if only" or "why didn't I" or "I wish I could have." That's living in regret of the past. Nor should we live in fear of the future. When we do that, we rob ourselves of being a vital contributor to the present. Instead, we must continue to live each and every day with purpose and passion. We didn't have a thing to do with our coming into this world, and we aren't going to have much to say about the day we exit it, but we certainly can choose how to live our lives in between the two. We can choose to have an impact. The only way we can really fail is to quit!
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