On the eighth day after his arrival in New York,he found the whole affair exploited in the Pittsburgh papers,exploited with a wealth of detail which indicated that local news of a sensational nature was at a low ebb.The firm of Denny&Carson announced that the boy's father had refunded the full amount of the theft,and that they had no intention of prosecuting.The Cumberland minister had been interviewed,and expressed his hope of yet reclaiming the motherless lad,and Paul's Sabbath-school teacher declared that she would spare no effort to that end.The rumor had reached Pittsburgh that the boy had been seen in a New York hotel,and his father had gone East to find him and bring him home.
Paul had just come in to dress for dinner;he sank into a chair,weak in the knees,and clasped his head in his hands.It was to be worse than jail,even;the tepid waters of Cordelia Street were to close over him finally and forever.The gray monotony stretched before him in hopeless,unrelieved years;Sabbath-school,Young People's Meeting,the yellow-papered room,the damp dish-towels;it all rushed back upon him with sickening vividness.He had the old feeling that the orchestra had suddenly stopped,the sinking sensation that the play was over.The sweat broke out on his face,and he sprang to his feet,looked about him with his white,conscious smile,and winked at himself in the mirror,With something of the old childish belief in miracles with which he had so often gone to class,all his lessons unlearned,Paul dressed and dashed whistling down the corridor to the elevator.
He had no sooner entered the dining room and caught the measure of the music,than his remembrance was lightened by his old elastic power of claiming the moment,mounting with it,and finding it all sufficient.The glare and glitter about him,the mere scenic accessories had again,and for the last time,their old potency.He would show himself that he was game,he would finish the thing splendidly.He doubted,more than ever,the existence of Cordelia Street,and for the first time he drank his wine recklessly.Was he not,after all,one of these fortunate beings?Was he not still himself,and in his own place?He drummed a nervous accompaniment to the music and looked about him,telling himself over and over that it had paid.
He reflected drowsily,to the swell of the violin and the chill sweetness of his wine,that he might have done it more wisely.He might have caught an outbound steamer and been well out of their clutches before now.But the other side of the world had seemed too far away and too uncertain then;he could not have waited for it;his need had been too sharp.If he had to choose over again,he would do the same thing tomorrow.He looked affectionately about the dining room,now gilded with a soft mist.Ah,it had paid indeed!
Paul was awakened next morning by a painful throbbing in his head and feet.He had thrown himself across the bed without undressing,and had slept with his shoes on.His limbs and hands were lead heavy,and his tongue and throat were parched.There came upon him one of those fateful attacks of clear-headedness that never occurred except when he was physically exhausted and his nerves hung loose.He lay still and closed his eyes and let the tide of realities wash over him.
His father was in New York;"stopping at some joint or other,"he told himself.The memory of successive summers on the front stoop fell upon him like a weight of black water.He had not a hundred dollars left,and he knew now,more than ever,that money was everything,the wall that stood between all he loathed and all he wanted.The thing was winding itself up;he had thought of that on his first glorious day in New York,and had even provided a way to snap the thread.It lay on his dressing-table now;he had got it out last night when he came blindly up from dinner—but the shiny metal hurt his eyes,and he disliked the looks of it,anyway.
He rose and moved about with a painful effort,succumbing now and again to attacks of nausea.It was the old depression exaggerated;all the world had become Cordelia Street.Yet somehow he was not afraid of anything,was absolutely calm;perhaps because he had looked into the dark corner at last,and knew.It was bad enough,what he saw there;but somehow not so bad as his long fear of it had been.He saw everything clearly now.He had a feeling that he had made the best of it,that he had lived the sort of life he was meant to live,and for half an hour he sat staring at the revolver.But he told himself that was not the way,so he went downstairs and took a cab to the ferry.
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